Men come back months later either because they want to try again or they act still based on their lust. At this moment, you might be still trying to heal or have already done it and moved into another relationship. I know that in which state you are, his comeback will cause a lot of confusion. The fact is that an ex will not be able to forget you immediately, no matter how bad the breakup was. A small part of them will lead them towards you, but the time spent apart might change a lot of things. To know exactly why men come back months later, here are 14 reasons:
1. He feels anxious and nostalgic
People tend to go through the stages of the breakup differently and not in a linear form. It might take a few months for a dumper to look back at the past. In the beginning, he’ll be enjoying the freedom of being single. When the loneliness and the post-breakup anxiety hits him, he will come back. This doesn’t always mean that he has still feelings for you. He might be back because his void couldn’t be filled in another way. This can be more like a stimulant for him. Whenever he feels bad about himself, it’s easier for him to go back to where he was happy. In this situation, he might tell that he misses you or he might just give breadcrumbs. To make a difference, take a closer look at the texture of his messages.
2. He is curious about your post-breakup life
Even if he initiated the breakup, there will be a time that he turns into a curious cat. He becomes even more curious about your life after the breakup if you don’t maintain any contact. Usually, when you are using the No Contact Rule to heal and move forward, he will want to know more about you. He might be quite competitive about winning a breakup and he wants to know where you’re at. It might be that he has regretted his decision and is curious if you have moved on or not. Either way, he wants to keep tabs on you.
3. He regretted his decision
The dumper’s remorse doesn’t hit all the dumpers and they don’t experience it in the same way. When he comes back because he is repentant, doesn’t always mean that things are going to work out. The best thing after the breakup that might happen is so you and your ex to work on your flaws. If he hasn’t been able to reflect on this behavior but still managed to ponder his decision, that doesn’t mean a thing. The truth is when he regrets and wants to make the relationship work again, he will prove it. He will try to show how he has changed and what is he willing to do to make your relationship better.
4. He is seeking a second chance
When he suddenly starts to interact with you and initiates a conversation, and is quite curious, he is testing the waters. In this case, he wants to know if there is a second chance for him and if you feel the same for him. Especially, if it was a long-term relationship, the breakup and divorce are quite disruptive. The distance can help both of you understand what was missing in the relationship. He might reflect finally and make the difference between lust and love and what can be done differently.
5. He had a failed relationship
Sometimes breakups happen in an instant and an ex jumps immediately into another relationship. When he doesn’t process the breakup at all and continues into a new relationship, he will be confused. At first, he will feel free from the past and look forward to the future. Suddenly, he will feel the urge to contact you, once when he notices that he has lost you. If he has joined a rebound relationship then after some time, he will want to come back. He will realize that no one has ever appreciated or was compassionate like you were. This doesn’t mean that he is sure that he wants to come back permanently. He might just want to get again that love and attention he had.
6. He notices that you moved on
An ex can’t appreciate your value until he knows that you are gone. The moment that you move on, nourish yourself, and even move to another relationship, he will come back. He will start interacting slightly with you on social media or even send short text messages. Now, he comes back months later because he noticed that he can’t be part of your happiness. He might get closer to your friends and family or starts to hang out with them suddenly. This is all done because now he wants to find out what he couldn’t offer to maintain the relationship.
7. He is interested in having a quick sex drive
If he comes back weeks or months later, his intention might be to fulfill his needs. When he feels lonely and horny, he will come back. To know if this is the reason, he will call mostly during the night and texts will be like: “Hey, you up?” “Missed you.” In these text messages, he won’t explain clearly his message and there will be a lack of explanations. This might be a result of getting to deal with the breakup shock. To know exactly how to react in this situation and craft the best comeback, you can communicate with a coach. Coaches from Relationship Hero are specialized to help you deal with the breakup in the best way. They are going to break your relationship into small sections and analyze each event in more depth.
8. He is ready now to start a relationship
The time that you spent apart, sometimes it might be good for your ex. During this time he might have been working on his flaws and reflecting. Not all exes do this, it all depends on their personality and what type of a relationship you had. When the relationship seems to be suffocating and a partner wants to make it work, he takes a step back. Especially, if he is aware of his flaws and wants to work on himself before committing. I know that this might frustrate you, but if he comes back, for this reason, he will let you know.
9. He is attracted to who you have become
Many relationships end because an ex might take you for granted and goes off to seek something else. I know that this is a hard reality to embrace but he comes back to get a glimpse at your nourished self. The male psychology after the breakup is centered around being free, grieving, and then wanting what he can’t have. It’s the gender that dictates his action. Now you seem like a challenge to him and he wants to challenge himself. He wants to know if he can win you over. On the other hand, you might have worked on your flaws and he thinks that now you can make the relationship work.
10. He has an avoidant attachment style
Being in a relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style is quite a challenge. He will initiate the breakup because he has the idea of being independent. Now, he just wants to protect himself from the idea of being unhappy. This doesn’t mean that he won’t miss you or won’t grieve at all. He will do this at some point until he allows himself. This type doesn’t initiate apologizing or coming back to you. The moment that he notices that you gave up completely then he will start to plan his comeback. Because of nostalgia that kicks in, now he comes back months later.
11. He has peer or family pressure
After the breakup, he might still be confused and grieving. That’s why friends and family take a step to help to ease the pain. When he comes back, he will be a bit confused and not sure why he is back. That’s because he didn’t have enough time to reflect on what he is feeling. The pressure that he has will shape his thoughts and feelings incorrectly. That’s why his behavior will be quite weird and you will get hot and mixed signals from him. This will go through some short period until he finally realizes what he is feeling in reality.
12. He might be a player
If he disappeared and came back months later that might be one of the signs of a player. This can’t be the only reason that he will disappear and come back months later. If he has been playing you all along and wants an on-and-off relationship, he will:
He pulls away first;Then he breaks up with you;He doesn’t give closure;He goes No Contact;He returns;
You will be constantly confused by his behavior. He will be acting hot and cold and not giving too many explanations. He wouldn’t tell much about what he did or what he is going to do now that he was back.
13. He overcame the fear of being committed to a relationship
Sometimes a breakup will last for that period as long as he nourishes himself. A healthy relationship is based on taking a step back to work on yourself and then on the relationship. Even when he is not aware that he is afraid of commitment, the distance after the breakup will help him realize it. This time apart will help your ex to understand what is stopping him to upgrade the relationship. I am not implying that everyone can reflect and change. What I mean is that if he comes back and starts to push the relationship further then he wants to be committed.
14. He realized that he wants a future with you
As I stated multiple times through this article time apart will help him to reflect if he’s willing to. Now, he will reflect on the good times that you had and how you and those events impacted him. He might even be a part of other relationships that would give him the right idea about you. Once he realizes his true feelings and that you make him complete, he will let you know. As soon as he is back, he will ask you to go on more dates and pick up when you left.
Do men always come back eventually?
It all depends on the reason that you broke up, his personality, and the intensity of your relationship. Many sources might inform you that, yes a man will always come back after the breakup. Well, that is not always a sure thing. ~If the relationship was toxic and you were controlling, he would not come back. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel nostalgic or miss you. Time and space will make him reminisce on good memories. He just keeps himself out of something that impacted him negatively and left him hurt. ~If he has a greater ego or has an avoidant attachment style then he will either postpone it or will never come back. In this situation, he will wait for you to reach out to him first. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to come back, his ego prevents him in both cases. ~If he still has feelings for you and is ready to commit, he will come back. When a guy needed some time on his own to reflect differently, he will find a way to come back. Usually, this is more likely to happen when the breakup was mutual or he gave you closure. ~He would come back after he has hurt you if he regretted doing it. If having still feelings for you is combined with regret, then he will come back. The moment he realizes that he has lost something important then he will act differently. Many people might regret initiating a breakup but never do anything. The moment he decided to communicate with you and ask for forgiveness, he wants to get back.
What do you do when a man comes back months later?
When he comes back months later can either make your situation better or worse. It is a complicated situation because you need to decide what you want to do – continue the relationship or end it.
- First prioritize yourself. Take a step back from all of this and see if this is good for you. Balance things and make a difference. Check if his come back will impact you negatively or positively.
- Learn the reason that made him come back. One of the best things you can do is to reflect on his behavior. Ask questions and don’t hesitate to create your boundaries. If he wants to come back, he will respect your boundaries and be persistent.
- Slow things down and take your time. I know that getting your ex-boyfriend back might have been your aim. Still, taking his comeback step by step will help you to avoid making a lot of mistakes. You will search for something that you never had before. Take your time to get to know each other again, like for the first time.
- Learn how to communicate and create a policy between you and him. Don’t expect that your ex is going to accept everything that you say and vice versa. Know that now you need to fix things while learning to communicate with one another and compromise. Otherwise, his comeback won’t have any value.
Final Thoughts: Why do men come back?
Men come back months later either because they regret losing you or to fulfill their needs. The moment that he realizes that he made a mistake in coming back, he will be persistent. That’s not what most men do because that depends on their personality. Sometimes he will initiate the contact to come back and other times, he might give indirect signs. To know the exact reason why men come back, analyze the reason you broke up. Reflect on the process and the post-breakup period. You can do it! Love, Callisto Adams
