That feeling can stick around forever. When you part ways, you don’t lose just a person but you lose a part of yourself too. Yet, that feeling of love can be easily confused with nostalgia, obsession, and admiration for your ex. This is quite natural because, after the breakup, you’ll go through diverse emotions. But, when a few years go you go through a lot of changes. In this case, your feelings change their intensity too. You might feel nostalgic and caught up in the idea of your ex, but can you call it love? If you’re confused about this aspect, you’re in the right place. Let’s solve this issue once and for all.
Is it Love/Nostalgia/Obsession? Am I still in love with my ex?
Love~ If you still love your ex then you would miss their presence because they made you a better you. You love the way you have had great chemistry and a special bond. When you’re still in love with your ex, you jump from one relationship to the other, but none of them don’t work. They last very shortly. You focus on healing and detaching but there is still a soft spot for them. If you love them, you let them go by understanding their importance in your life. Nostalgia~ It’s quite normal to miss your ex and think about them from time to time. If suddenly you have that feeling of “love” and want to be near your ex, that’s not identified as still loving your ex. This is simply nostalgia. Nostalgia simply triggers the best moments of your relationship. You’ll go through these feelings through different stages of your life. Hence, none of these waves will have the same impact on you. Obsession~ Obsession is not momentary, it’s something continual. If you’re obsessed with your ex then:
You’ll check their social media constantly;
You’ll find a billion ways to bump into them;
You’ll occupy yourself all the time thinking of them;
You overthink the situation and what could happen differently;
You’ll get caught only on the good parts of your relationship (you exaggerate this part too)
Now that you know that you still love your ex, check 8 reasons why you do that:
1. Your ex was soulmate material
Sometimes life gets in the way and it hinders happiness ever after. It’s hard to admit it but sometimes love isn’t enough to make things work in a relationship. It’s not easy to distance yourself from the idea of having found one. I understand that it’s very hard to go from feeling like you’ve found your soulmate to be non-existent to them. You’re sure that you’ll not love again and your self-confidence is at its lowest. You still love them if they were the ones who loved you for your weakness, strength, and complexity. It’s hard to detach yourself from an ex who once you’ve planned all your life around them. This is why you’re still in love with your ex!
2. You love them for how they made you feel
This is a bit ambivalent. It’s a feeling that shifts from the nostalgia realm to the love realm. Nostalgia can be an element for making you still love your ex. That’s half of the reason. You’re still in love with your ex because you loved who they were and that life. You loved how you had a similar taste in music and food. You loved the way they made you feel trusted. You miss the life that you built together. That aura that your ex has created is hard to dissolve when you share mutual feelings. You love your ex because:
They made you who you are;You’re a better version when you’re near your ex;
3. You feel like you have a missing piece
One of the reasons that help you distinguish lust from loving your ex is when you feel like you’re incomplete. That’s the beauty of a relationship, fulfilling each other’s needs and improving one another. That doesn’t mean that you’re all relying on your ex. If you two complemented each other then you’ll miss that type of relationship that was created. ~It doesn’t mean that you can’t detach yourself from your ex. ~It doesn’t mean that you’re dependent on your ex. ~It doesn’t mean that you’re filling the void. That means that you were made to make each other’s dark sides brighter.
4. You regret your decision
You still love your ex because you’re still contemplating your decision. Usually, relationship burnouts are an element that creates a distance between partners and initiates a breakup. It’s in the human tendency to wonder if you still love your ex. The feeling of guilt isn’t just a hook to be clung to the idea of an ex. Hence, this space helps you take a step back and realize that your feelings are stronger than you realized. That’s why you still love your ex because you’re still starting to recognize your feelings.
5. You still get emotional about your ex
When a relationship ends, you still have mixed feelings. You can’t erase these feelings if you share a strong bond and invest your feelings. You’re still hurting over your ex and not over them because you still have feelings for them. Until you choose to acknowledge and embrace these feelings, you’ll always love your ex with the same intensity. That’s because you keep connecting yourself to the source of pain. According to Freud, we tend to avoid pain to find the pleasure that once was experienced. This way we’re defensive and do not let ourselves hurt. Thus, you don’t let yourself develop new feelings. If you still get emotional and cry about your ex that means that you are still processing your feelings. You’re still loving them, trying to fix something in the past, and adjusting to new feelings.
6. You still need their opinion or validation
Usually, toxic relationships lead partners to seek validation from one another. It’s quite normal to have your confidence crushed after a breakup. At that moment, you need your ex’s validation to feel loved. You need them to recognize your value. You’re still in love with your ex because you still seek validation to prove your worth. I understand why you’re feeling that way. You can’t move on from your ex until you prove to them that they should consider you as a partner once more. When you seek their validation, you want to be understood, loved, and only accepted. This differs from obsession because you truly love them. You need their love to feel human again, even though that’s an unhealthy way.
7. You miss the chemistry between you too
If you run into your ex and your memories and feelings are fresh even after a few years then you still love your ex. When you experience a special form of chemistry with a partner, you can’t disconnect easily. The more time we spend with someone, the stronger the bond becomes. That means that the impact that you had on one another in your life, is still there. That’s why you still have feelings for your ex. Yet, you can sort out these feelings. Just because you feel this type of connection doesn’t mean that things might reconcile. After all, feelings can’t disappear easily. To understand why the chemistry is this strong, try to revisit what keeps your bond this strong. That is the only way that you can distinguish true feelings from fantasy.
8. Your relationship ended suddenly
You still love your ex because you’re still hoping there’s a second chance. This has nothing to do with obsession or nostalgia, it’s all because you’re left without an answer. When an ex dumps you and leaves without any explanation, believe me, there is a reason behind it. No breakup happens suddenly. It all starts with a pre-breakup stage where you might be caught up in your feelings and not notice them.
Your ex doesn’t give you closure because they feel uncertain about their feelings;
Their feelings changed;
They don’t want to be tempted to get back into the relationship;
All this situation will leave a gap for you to wonder about the reasons. You have your doubts about yourself and your ex. You can feel that your ex is ignoring you. Yet, you still hope that they might change their mind.
I still have feelings about my ex but I am in a relationship
Some people think that when you break up with someone you stop caring about them. Just because the relationship didn’t work doesn’t mean that you’ll totally forget and erase your feelings immediately. The question is: Am I still in love with my ex or am I holding on to the old feelings and memories? This is what you should make a distinction. It’s pretty normal to feel some type of empathy or experience the same feelings as with your ex. Yet, you should be cautious about the intensity of the feelings. Which feelings are stronger?
- If your ex is the one with whom you felt most loved and shared your first intimate experience, this will hold you back.
- You didn’t take your time to heal and get a hold of your old memories/feelings. If you jump immediately into another relationship after breaking up, you didn’t take enough time to heal.
- Remember, that you can’t have the exact feelings for your ex and your current partner. You can feel attracted to one more than the other. On the other hand, the other might fill the void that the other one couldn’t. In this case, you should balance your feelings. Remind yourself what didn’t work out in your relationship. If there is no chance of working things out then try to focus more on your new partner.
- After the breakup, it’s pretty easy to confuse yourself by loving two people romantically at the same time. This is a complex situation because you might be attracted to and admire one person. If you’re recently in a new relationship, that can be limerence. If you keep thinking about and missing your ex then that means that there are still some unsolved issues with your ex.
- Know that you’re still comparing your current partner to your ex. This is what prevents you from concentrating just on one partner and sorting out your feelings. I got your back to solve your issue:
Ask yourself do you want to go back with your ex at this moment? What is pulling you back?
Do you feel happy in this relationship? Do you feel more fulfilled than in the other relationship?
Try to spend some time alone and make a difference. Try to not communicate with either of them.
Use No Contact on your ex and try to communicate your feelings with the current partner. Tell them that you just need some time on your own to sort some feelings out.
Give yourself some time when you’re ready to be in the next relationship. First, you should feel ready to be on your own.
What to do if you’re still in love with your ex?
The first thing that you think when you realize that the relationship is over: you think- I want to move on from my ex. To achieve it, you should understand what type of attachment you have with your ex, is it lust, infatuation, or just obsession. Know that it’s not easy to move on from feelings and a person with whom you invested time and energy. To start your progression, let’s take these baby steps: ~ Accept the fact that the relationship is already broken. ~ Embrace what you’re feeling. Listen to sad songs, journal, and go and meet some new people that feel the same. Sharing your experience with other people who are going through a breakup can help you create another point of view. ~ Don’t force the process of healing. Try to live each day normally. If you wake up feeling hurt, regretful, or in pain, let yourself feel those feelings. Don’t stress yourself to feel the pain quickly so you can move on faster. Don’t put yourself on a pedestal and feel bad for still being in love. ~ Find closure, even from your ex or from yourself. The thing here is that you should feel good about yourself to look forward. It takes work and commitment to understand that feelings change. Even when the reason is not stated, that reason exists. Don’t sit around waiting for an answer because most of the time your ex can’t provide that to you. The most important thing to know is to spot the issue of why your breakup happened. What you should do is scratch the issue and work on your flaws. ~ Draw your boundaries. To heal you can create your boundaries. Boundaries help you make the difference between real love and mixed feelings. Do you ever stop loving your ex if you draw your boundaries? No, if you still love your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband or even your ex-wife, you’ll continue doing it. That will only help you in the process of grieving and creating a limit for yourself to prevent any mistakes. ~ Confront one another. One day my friend said how should I move on if I and my ex are still in love? Well, first make sure if these feelings are certain and mutual. Then it’s better to confront one another rather than restrain moving on. If you broke up in amicable ways or if both of you still have feelings, seek another chance. Feelings are a crucial thing in a relationship. Hence, if both of you can’t work on your flaws, you can’t repair the relationship.
How to live with an ex you still love?
It’s really hard to process the whole breakup or divorce if you still love your ex and share the same place. Living together can make the situation worse or can help you reconcile the relationship.
- Meanwhile, you can keep the contact very formal and short.
- You should avoid being way too vulnerable with them or acting as if nothing has happened.
- Give yourself and your ex some space and time to heal. Live your life as you’re living on your own. Find your potential.
- Be busy, work, and set your life in motion. This way you’ll be able to reflect on the change.
- You can grieve in different forms but avoid doing it while throwing shade or blaming your ex. Set your own pace and space and take time to heal.
Is it normal to still love my ex?
Yes, it is normal to love your ex because you’re a human being. You can go through a diversity of emotions and until you sort them out, old feelings will be part of you. It’s normal to have feelings for your ex and know how to balance them. By balancing these feelings you can manage old feelings and spare some room for new ones. Those feelings will always be there because once you have shared your life. Just know that still loving your ex doesn’t mean you should stalk, pursue, and obsess over them! I believe that you can solve this matter! Love, Callisto
