Many people might claim that if you love someone, you’ll always make things work. That’s partly true, especially if you were in a long-term relationship. Yet, love is not the only element that makes a relationship work. If the situation is suffocating you and your partner isn’t participating to make it work, you can consider ending the relationship. You’ll have that gut or “fed up” feeling when you decide to part ways. It’s that moment when your brain and heart clash, but you need a solution. Someone might break up with their partner when they realize they’re no good for them. They need some time to distance themselves for their and your good. Here are 11 reasons to break up with someone you love and 11 tips to navigate the situation:
1. You notice that you’ve become discordant
If after some time you find one another incompatible and you can’t fix the issues for a long time, you should end it. It doesn’t mean to give up on love immediately when you argue. Yet, if you encounter a lack of understanding and you can’t find a solution to make things work most of the time, it’s better to distance yourselves.
Having different styles of arguing and fighting and ignoring possibilities to improve, that’s an issue.
Not being able to work on your flaws and not having the will to make a positive effect on your partner, will cause a lot of problems.
That will prevent you from overcoming issues more quickly.You control your emotional intelligence differently.
To have a mutual understanding, you need to have emotional intelligence lined up. Being able to perceive how your partner is feeling can help both of you in how you handle the arguments.
2. You’re the only one trying to make the relationship work
Even though you have strong feelings for your partner, being the one to make the relationship work can be exhausting. Let’s take these different scenarios:
- You’re the only one who supports your partner morally but never gets any support in return. In the beginning, it might look like a crucial problem but with time it will be harder to handle.
- You constantly justify their behavior. If you keep justifying their behavior all the time and they don’t reflect on it, you’re avoiding the truth. This way, you’re not facing the truth, and this enables your partner to continue with his or her behavior. In the end, a relationship is created between two people and not one. To have a healthy relationship, both you and your partner should invest time and energy to enhance the relationship.
3. They have lost all interest in you
If your partner has lost interest in you and is not attracted to you anymore, you need to end things. A relationship cannot work properly if there is just one of you that has strong feelings. When a partner doesn’t love you anymore, the relationship becomes unbearable. Many unreasonable arguments will be present. You’ll not have the chance to feel the perks of a relationship. Thus, in this case, it’s better to end the relationship before this situation drains your energy. If you continue to be part of this type of relationship, you’ll end up having low self-esteem. You’ll feel lonely, not appreciated, and you’ll start to isolate yourself.
4. You’re part of an unhealthy relationship
Usually, when a person is part of an unhealthy relationship, it feels harder to take a step out of it. Being a part of a toxic relationship leaves you with numerous scars. These scars will hold you back in this relationship for some time. Your energy will be sucked out of you from this relationship. You might be afraid to take a step and decide to be single. This is quite common because this type of relationship lowers your self-confidence. You might constantly think that you’ll not be able to be good on your own. This is all that a toxic partner does. They push buttons on you so they can have control of your feelings and thoughts. Is it ok to break up with someone you love in this case? Hell, yeah. It will be difficult in the beginning but once you do it, it will be eye-opening.
5. You have different points of view about the relationship
If you and your partner have different points of view on where you’re in a relationship, things will be difficult. You can’t be with someone who doesn’t have the same vision for the future. Maybe, you were dating them exclusively and you want to upgrade the relationship. You would want to settle down, maybe marry in a couple of years, and have kids. If your partner doesn’t share the same opinion then you’ll end up having tons of arguments and fights. Not sharing basic values with your partner won’t make the relationship work.
6. You’re constantly accused by your partner
A partner that has low self-esteem and is a narcissist will accuse you of untrue things. Their fear and insecurity might make them physically and emotionally hurt you. In this case, you’ll be exposed to emotional abuse in different forms. They will accuse you because
They need your attention all the time;They want to control you whenever they want to meet or talk to you;They might even insult you verbally to have a grip on your emotions and thoughts;
Ending a long-term relationship with someone you love can be a hard thing to do. Yet, if you’re emotionally abused, it will be better to end the relationship than to be stuck in it forever.
7. You don’t feel safe with them anymore
If your partner has turned into someone that you don’t know anymore, you need to reflect on the situation. You might not feel emotionally or physically safe with your partner anymore. You can’t express your opinions anymore and you agree with them about everything. If you can’t have your own opinions in a relationship, you can’t be yourself. This way the relationship will look forced and slowly you will turn into a stranger, even to yourself.
8. You lost yourself in this relationship
One of the reasons to break up with someone you love is when you lose yourself for them. You know that you’ve lost yourself in this relationship if your only focus is your partner. This might not happen immediately when you start the relationship. It takes some time to gradually change your focus from you to only your partner. You will slowly experience changes that somehow will distance you from yourself.
- You will start to give up on your goals and dreams,
- You won’t socialize with others as much,
- You will also question what you’re feeling. In a healthy relationship, a partner should encourage you to be yourself. You shouldn’t question your own opinions or feelings.
9. Your conversations end up always in fights
If your conversations always end up in fights and you can never agree on anything, it’s better to consider parting ways. Only love isn’t enough to make a relationship work if your values can’t match. I know that love is a gigantic feeling, yet if you can’t find a mutual language, it’s hard to love that way. If your conversations always end up in fights that can be pretty exhausting. Some couples can indeed overcome this issue through couple therapy. Hence, if also this doesn’t help you to overcome it, then you can consider breaking up.
10. You’ve been cheated on and they don’t take responsibility
You can break up with someone you love if you’ve been cheated on a few times and your partner refuses to reflect. They can either not admit their mistakes or camouflage them. Additionally, they will lie again and try to convince you that they’ve changed. You can let someone go only when they don’t show an effort on changing their behavior. In this situation, you can’t fix your ex’s issues or even change for them to be more present in your life. As research shows a large percentage of people have declared that their relationship didn’t work after being cheated multiple times.
11. You’re not good to them either
Let’s take it from another point of view. One of the reasons for breaking up with someone you love is setting them free. Letting someone you love go in this case will set both of you free. I know that it will be hard for you and your partner too, but sometimes it’s better to create distance. This distance will also make them realize that you love them and vice versa but that’s not enough. You can love one another so much and still create an unhealthy relationship. It takes time to work on your flaws and understand that compassion and passion are needed to create a good relationship.
How to break up with someone you love?
When you break up with someone you might feel relieved and might think that you have made the right decision, but it’s not that easy. You feel that many things aren’t right but you continue to romanticize the relationship. Prioritize and normalize investing in yourself before you romanticize the relationship. After you’ve done it, it will haunt and torment you for some time even though that would have been the proper way to do it. You’re breaking a habit, and since you’re the one to do it, breaking that pattern will come hard to you. It will take some time to adjust to changes and new feelings.
- First, ask yourself why you’re doing it. Before making any decision you need to ask yourself some questions. Try to go to the roots of the issue. What made you think of breaking up and making this decision. Define for how long your problems have been present. Check if any of you have done anything to change the situation. Try to find out if your arguments come as a result of differences in values or if you have simply different interests.
- Don’t make a hasty decision. One of the most important steps to make when you decide to break up with someone you love is to be patient. Don’t make this decision without thinking clearly and calmly. Just because you argue a few times, that doesn’t mean that you should immediately initiate the breakup. When you’re calm, you can reflect differently. Sit down and write reasons why your relationship could work out. Do this before you make the decision and then regret it.
- Don’t try to ghost your partner. Ghosting your partner isn’t an ideal to break up with them. Leaving your partner without an explanation will make you look bad. It will make them question your relationship and the love that was given to you. On the other hand, if you have been part of a relationship with a narcissist, you might ghost them. That’s because they can’t control your decision or prevent you from moving on.
- It’s better to do it face to face. If you want to break up with someone you love, it’s better to do it face to face. Face-to-face might not be pleasant and scarier, yet it will show respect towards your partner. Also, it will allow you and them to ask questions and make things clearer. This way you will not devalue them.
- Be transparent and reasonable. If you want to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend but you love them too much, first be transparent. Be transparent with yourself first because that will reflect on your partner too. Don’t leave them in a blue, be concise, and have concise answers about why you made this decision.
- Pick up a proper time. If you want to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend that you love too much, choose the right time. You should avoid delivering this type of news when your partner is having a hard time. Think about how they will handle it, how they will react to it, and don’t make a fuss out of it. If your partner is struggling emotionally in every form, breaking up with them will affect their reaction.
- Avoid blaming your partner and accusing them. When you break up with someone you love, you can show them the issue but don’t blame them. Accusing them right away will affect the way they react. You’ve already made a decision, the main aim is to make things clear. Revolving the conversation only around how they are the reason for this decision will make the situation worse. You can give your partner the reasons that made you break up with them. Show what you’ve done to change it and show how and why you think nothing has changed.
- Give both of you some space to reflect. If you live together then after talking about your decision you should make some space for both of you to reflect. Staying within the same space will have an impact on your ex’s reaction. In this situation, take some days away from this place until they make their decision too.
- Respect their boundaries and reaction. If you want to break up with someone you love without hurting their feelings, you should be precise, and respect their boundaries. They might ask you to leave their place if you live together or they would start the No Contact Rule. It’s up to them to decide how they will react to this decision.
- Avoid giving false hopes to your partner. Ending a relationship positively doesn’t mean giving false hopes to your partner. Don’t leave space for them to understand that you might stay friends if you don’t mean it. This way you would waste the time of your partner and will hinder their healing process.
- Stick to your decision. Whatever decision you make, you should stick to it. It’s not wrong to regret your decision if you can make the relationship work after spending some time apart. Yet, regretting it constantly and finding out again that you’re not compatible will create a mess.
Breaking up with someone you love because of religion
If you break up with someone because of religion that should happen only if it mixes your values.
You’re trapped in the relationship and you always argue because of religious differences;The differences in your religion impact your core values and that impacts your relationship too;You experience culture clashes and aren’t ready to find a middle way;They are afraid about the fact that their children will be confused;
If you want to break up with someone you love because of religion, you should know first if you can work it out. If your partner is willing to fix the situation and religion is not a problem to them, you can make it work.
Why is breaking up so hard?
Breaking up is hard because you’re deciding to break a pattern or a habit. It’s not easy to be the one who initiates it. You know that you will be the one who will cause hurt and pain. Moreover, as human beings, we are afraid of being alone and embracing changes. Yet, if you end a long-term relationship, the break-up will be harder. It will be harder to adjust to life without your partner. Everything around you will remind you of them for some time, it’s hard to detach. If you were part of an abusive relationship, breaking up is hard because all the trauma holds you back.
Ending a relationship with someone you love….
You can end a relationship with someone you love the moment you can’t sort out the issues. If you’ve been having a lack of communication and the relationship impacted negatively, and refuse to upgrade your relationship, you need to end it. Be blunt with yourself and check the outside factors first. What’s making you feel like an outsider in that relationship or is that something that can be fixed. I know that’s a tough decision to make and you can’t just throw your feelings away. Yet, learning to let go of someone you love at the right time will allow you to avoid self-destruction. You can do it! All love to you, Callisto
