The clash of hope and anxiety leads to uncertainty and raises the question what if he doesn’t contact me? That all depends on the dynamic of the relationship that you had. If you had a bad breakup, if you chose to stay friends, or if there was no closure at all. Once you accept the breakup, it will be easier for you to maintain the situation. You will still feel the urge to contact your ex but slowly you will gain control over the situation.
A quick reminder of the No Contact structure and its impact:
It is a part of the grieving process to feel down at times and have mixed feelings. Learning to focus on enhancing yourself instead of bringing your ex back will attract what’s the best for you. That could be either to move on or reconcile the relationship. Here is what you should do instead of wondering if he doesn’t contact you during No Contact: 9 Reasons Why he hasn’t contacted you during No Contact:
1. He might be playing mind games
A weak man doesn’t deal with the problems he causes, he faces them indirectly. During No Contact, he will feel unimportant and won’t accept the fact that maybe he has lost you. The moment he realizes that he has done a mistake by breaking up with you, he tries to look for an indirect way to reconnect. By using mind games he tries to convince himself and others that he is the winner of this breakup. He might ask other people questions about you, but won’t text or call you directly.
2. He might be using No Contact too
The period after the breakup is complicated both for the dumper and for the dumpee. Both of you have mixed feelings. At the beginning of the breakup, the dumper uses the No Contact rule to enjoy his freedom as he sets a distance from you. Thus, he doesn’t contact you during No Contact because he is centered on himself and practices staying away from you. He doesn’t use this experience to better himself. He uses the distance either to cut all ties or to prove to himself, you, and others that he made the right decision.
3. Too stubborn to make the first move and return
If he is that type of a guy who manages to keep a poker face and has a great ego then it is hard to accept his true feelings. He might acknowledge his mistakes and face the fact that he is hurting after the breakup. He misses you but can’t be the first one to initiate the conversation. In this case, if you are familiar with your ex’s character then it is better to give him some more time to heal. You should keep the distance as long as you’re nourished and have no expectations.
4. He needs more time to reflect
Since the stages of a breakup for the dumper are quite different from the dumpee, the timeline of reconnecting with one another is not the same. At the beginning of the breakup, he is free and you’re dealing with the pain. After a few weeks and months, the tables turn. He misses you but yet needs more time to reflect and make sure of his feelings towards you. In this situation, you shouldn’t focus on what he is thinking. Try to focus more on nourishing and understanding yourself. Not focusing on yourself can hinder the process of getting over that breakup or reconciling with your ex.
5. He is part of a new relationship
After the breakup, the dumper might join a new relationship. He might do it out of anger, because he misses you and wants to make you jealous, or that he just wants to show off that he is doing completely fine. Your ex chooses to not contact you during No Contact either way, if this new relationship is a rebound or that your relationship is over. As he is being part of this relationship, you should help yourself and accept the reality.
6. His past mistakes have been torturing him
He feels ashamed of his actions and can’t make any move since he is now the one who is having a battle within himself. In this case, he is afraid of your reaction and that you might break up again if you get immediately back together. Giving extra time for you to heal will be an extra time for him to understand his feelings better. If you had a good relationship but broke up due to not so important issues, it is quite understandable to wonder whether you should call him or not. Yet, don’t give up on No Contact. Don’t break it just because you think that not contacting him might push him away because breadcrumbing can make this process even harder.
7. He has lost feelings for you
If he has already lost all interest and was not willing to help in fixing the relationship then the No Contact will enable him to distance himself even more. The distance has a great impact on him if he has been pulling away for some months before the breakup. That’s why he will use it to distance himself from you. What you might do is continue with the No Contact and not break it. Breaking it might lead you to the same point as you were before, begging and pleading. The distance will help you to face your pain and embrace reality.
8. Doesn’t want to hurt you more
If he is aware of his mistakes and the negative effect that he has in this relationship, he would choose to not contact you during No Contact. He notices that he hasn’t outgrown his mistakes yet and he is not ready to deal with his actions and be in a relationship again. This depends on the personality of your ex and what type of relationship you had. In this case, it is better to take a step back, reflect, and move forward.
9. You had other expectations
Everyone has expectations when they want to reach something. The same is applied when you want to use or you start using the No Contact Rule. If you start to use No Contact with the idea to make him call or text you during it then that is not what this rule is all about. If you focus all your energy and mind towards your ex then you’ll push him away even more. Not contacting him directly but putting him under pressure leads him to not contact you, until he gets his needed time and space to reflect.
What to do if he doesn’t contact me during No Contact?
- Don’t make any sudden decision to contact your ex because you feel lonely and you’re afraid that he doesn’t miss you or that maybe he might forget about you.
- Don’t fantasize about you and your ex. Have a proper approach towards yourself and the future of your relationship.
- Focus more on accepting the pain and try to go through the stages of grief. You can cry, be mad at him and yourself, be in pain, and not be in love with everything. Yet, as you are dealing with all this, remind yourself that you are allowed to feel these feelings and there is nothing wrong with that. Once you accept the pain then it will be easier to think how to shift the mindset from ‘What if he doesn’t contact me during No Contact’ to ‘I will improve myself through this distance’.
- Rebuild trust with yourself and boost your self-confidence by improving your daily habits and routine.
- Please, avoid talking about your past and dwelling on it. Instead, write down anything that comes to your mind when you feel the urge to talk about those feelings or even when you decide to text him.
- Don’t overthink either of your actions. Remind yourself to start small every day. Surround yourself with your loved ones and do what you love.
- Try not to break the No Contact Rule. Instead, remind yourself why you first started this rule. Do it by writing down the reasons. This way you will express your feelings and when you reread them then you’ll reflect even more.
- Try to meet new people and get away from the circle of mutual friends.
- Don’t let anxiety and fear of loneliness hinder the process of healing. It is quite important to understand that during this process you will feel small and lonely but think of this process as a detoxing one. You will focus only on things that will make you better.
- Don’t beat yourself up if you choose to reach out to him during No Contact. The temptation is part of the healing process. Focus on not breaking it without any particular reason. Be bold enough to start all over.
- Embrace the healing process and who you are. No Contact aims to help you in embracing breakup, raise self-confidence, and start over. This energy might or might not attract your ex. Yet, you should be able to nourish yourself and have no expectations from others.
Is No Contact working if he doesn’t contact me during it?
The No Contact will work either way, even if he does contact you or not during No Contact. ~Avoid manipulation. Using this rule shouldn’t be only to make him miss you or manipulate him to come back to you. ~Outgrow your pain. The aim of it is to outgrow your pain and have the right mindset when it comes to talking again with your ex. ~ Thus, the importance and impact of No Contact doesn’t depend only on the reaction of your ex but also depends on your improvement. This rule is working if you have started to be independent, you start to see yourself and life from a new perspective, and you’re not dependent on your ex anymore. ~Imagine this as a journey of self-improvement and enhancement. If you have had an anxious attachment style towards your ex after the breakup then the distance will help you in growing your self-confidence and being more secure. You’ll find yourself not begging and pleading anymore. You are all content on your own and that will help you in having a different perspective about you and your ex. It doesn’t mean the No Contact Rule is a failure when you get to the end of it and you are good with yourself but your ex hasn’t contacted you yet. ~ He changes his opinion about you. He might not get back to you but now he has a different opinion about you. Now, he is aware of your potential and how you can accomplish it while being on your own.
- Why can’t I stop hoping to hear from my ex-boyfriend after not talking for two weeks? You can’t stop yourself from hoping to hear from your ex-boyfriend because you are not used yet to the absence of your ex. It is pretty normal to feel this way after the breakup. The first weeks of using No Contact are the most critical ones. You will get used to this new pattern once you shift the mindset from missing your ex and thinking about him to focusing only on yourself. You can do it by starting in small steps. Embrace the past, appreciate the past, and plan the future.
- One month of No Contact and my ex hasn’t contacted me yet. Do I text or call him? You should text or call him once you have a good reason to do it. 30 days of No Contact are the pivot of embracing the breakup and trying to fix yourself. You can make that decision according to how your breakup happened and how you feel during this process. If you are not healed yet and you want to call him just because you’re lonely, you shouldn’t do it. Before making any decision that will affect you negatively, try to talk with other people, travel, and have a new experience and perspective on life. Give yourself many options that can make you understand if it is that important or is it worth it to go back to that relationship. It is pretty normal to panic at this period and to wonder if what you’re doing is the right thing. Yet, embrace changes and fuel yourself to move forward. Best, Callisto
