It is a very exhausting and annoying process when you get to know what your ex is thinking or feeling during the No Contact Rule. Men and women feel the same after breaking up. Yet, the way they choose to express the loss, guilt, and confusion and react differently. Now that even you and your female ex go through the same stages of no contact but the difference lies at the beginning of the whole process. A female wants to contact immediately and be chased after the No Contact Rule is implemented on her. Whereas a male feels free and careless at the beginning of No Contact.
Does the ‘No Contact’ work on women?
Well, it works perfectly fine just as on men. But, to know exactly if it’s going to work on your female partner, first, you should check some things:
- You should know the reason that she broke up with you;
- She might have lost interest in you;
- Maybe she fell for someone else;
- Maybe it was something that you did wrong;
- Is she better or happier without me?
- There was a lack of communication from both sides;
- She is afraid of commitment;
- Doesn’t see a future with you; All these reasons matter! The moment you start to use the No Contact Rule you should see it as a journey to heal yourself. But at the same time if you think that whether it will work to get your ex’s attention back then you should know if there is enough room for improvement. Here are 9 stages that help you have a better idea of what’s on her mind:
1. Oh, he is just being a man!
She will be desperate to contact you as soon as she breaks up with you. Unlike men that during the first days want to enjoy freedom women like to be pursued. , women like to be pursued. During the first days of No Contact, a female dumper will think that you’re mad about being dumped but that’s what men do and your anger will go after a couple of days. To put it in a few words: A woman waits during the first days that you’re the one that has to contact her and show that you’ve changed.
2. She is mad and needs your attention
The lack of connection and attention makes her mad with herself and you at the same time. She thinks that she did the right thing but yet doesn’t feel like that. Now, she feels sad, alone, and angered. At this stage, she waits for you to reflect on your behavior, decision, words that you said, EVERYTHING.
3. She tells everyone including herself that she made the right decision
Unlike men, it is typically a woman’s move after the breakup to convince herself and others that she has made the right decision. That she is moving on. Now she is excited to be single and explore but she doesn’t feel like that exactly. Unless her decision was fundamental and she was already feeling something for another guy.
4. Now she wonders if you cared about her and why you haven’t reached her yet
A scarcity mindset will make something more valuable It doesn’t matter how stubborn she is. When you stop giving her attention that’s when you gain her attention. From craving attention to feeling content with her freedom and trying to convince herself that this was the right thing to do, now she is confused why you haven’t reached her yet. Now the things that might go through her head are:
- Did he love me?
- Has he found somebody new?
- Does he miss me now?
- Will he give me the chance to approach again?
- Was he the one?
- What do I want?
- Maybe it’s the right time for me to open a new page.
5. She is all confused by herself and leads you to confusion too
Going through a breakup and being in No Contact, a woman tends to shift the blame of not contacting her to you and while you’re implementing the rule you think that if she cares, she should do it first. Since she is the one that dumped you. While being in confusion herself, she leads you to confusion too by not giving an exact answer or reaction. Whereas, when a man goes through the stage of confusion, he seeks a way to know what is going on.
6. She reminisces on your relationship and on your good times
At this stage, the melancholy hit her hard. Everything that she does or places she goes will remind her of you. Whether you held her hand or watched the sunset together, those flashbacks will be present in her mind.
7. She second-guesses her choice
At the end of the third week and the beginning of the fourth, she will start to wonder if she made the right decision. She questioned herself whether what she did was bad? Was she unhappy in the relationship or was she the one who lacked communication? Has he already moved on ad found someone else? Now she is feeling guilty for doing that and it takes also a few weeks to know what her decision will be. Whether she will reach you through friends, send a text, or even just show up in front of you.
8. She searches for ways to reconnect with you
If you have had a good relationship but with ups and downs then even after ending things, your ex might reconsider her decision after you implement No Contact. Now you’ll know that the script has flipped. You’re not playing mind games on her. You’re just distancing and letting her and you reflect on all that. You trigger her mind and after reminiscing and doubting her decision she will look for ways to get your attention again.
9. Here comes the moment when she faces the outcomes of her decision
The final stage of No Contact is when she understands the whole process and defines what her next decision will be. If she feels that she has done everything to salvage the relationship then the chances that NC is going to work are lower than when the woman initiates the breaking up process to figure things out.
19 thoughts that go through a female’s mind during The No Contact Rule
Even her thoughts are in sync with days/weeks of using No Contact. 1-7 days of No Contact:
- “Why he hasn’t called me yet to check if I am doing fine”
- “Oh he is just acting mad to make me miss him more”
- “Well, he should contact me by now right?”
- “Phew, I guess I put things in order finally” After two or three weeks: She feels anxiety and despair. She will seek ways to know why you haven’t contacted him yet.
- “I am all alone, what now”?
- “I just want to sit and be sad”
- “I don’t want to talk to anyone or do anything”
- “My stomach hurts”
- “Where are now the hot men that I saw while I was in a relationship”
- F*ck all the small talks or deep conversations” Three weeks and a half going to the fourth:
- “ I am sure I made the right decision, see I am quite happy”
- “ I made everything that I could do, why am I all sad and alone”?
- “Why did I spend all that time to make him all happy and I wasn’t appreciated at all”? After 30 days of being distant:
- “Was he the right one”?
- “I’ve told everyone that we broke up”
- “Am I just being emotional now cuz’ the breakup get you ll done”
- “Can we just be friends”?
- “I miss him but I guess I’ll have to move on”
- “Can I just all to tell him that I am tremendously sorry but am I getting his hopes up”? Stages that the female dumpee goes through the No Contact:
1. She feels rejected and somehow blames herself
If you were the one that dumped her, she at first days of using no contact on her, she will feel all alone and down. She will bring herself down and blame herself that she was the reason for this breakup.
2. Reflects on her past and looks for what could have gone wrong
Questions? Question? Answers..answers… She reflects on the past to find out what did she o to lead you to that decision of breaking up with her and being all distant. Women who are dumped usually blame themselves first instead of reflecting that maybe you as her ex would have done something wrong, to cause the breakup.
3. She is able to make the balance between what she wanted and what she believed in
After three weeks of using the No Contact on a dumped, she will start to see things objectively and not in a sentimental way. At this stage, she finds little courage to draw a line between what she expected in this relationship and what she got. She finds comfort in her friends, family, and visiting places.
4. She is angry with reality and with her ex
In the fourth week, feelings come back. You (the dumper) have it easier. After all, you decided to break up because you have been prepared for that, whereas she is angry. After all, she did not see that coming. Or maybe choose to keep one eye closed on your issues. Yet, she cannot accept the fact that you rejected her.
5. When the dumper reaches out, she as the dumpee will be happy and powerful.
When the male and female psychology is triggered during the No Contact Rule, the last stage is when the dumper that feels guilty and wants to come back, reaches you out. When you decide to reach her out, she is all-powerful and nourished. The No Contact Rule that you used on her and that you were the one who initiated the conversation has helped your ex seek self-development and establishment. Now she is not the same as she was when you first broke up with her!
How to use properly the No Contact Rule on women?
To be effective, you should use the No Contact rule properly. How can you use it properly and how do you know that is working?
- Do not beg and plead;
- Do not make her feel weak towards you or vice versa;
- Focus on yourself more, pick a hobby, visit new places, meet new people;
- Manage the urge of contacting her by focusing on your work, deleting her number, taking her out of your social media, reading new books, everything to shift your mind from her to anything else;
- Don’t date anyone else during this period just to make her jealous;
- Think objectively, see things from a different point of view. Ask friends, family, and experts for advice;
- Set your boundaries towards your ex;
- Ask yourself if you see yourself with this person in your future;
- Letting your friends know that you don’t want to talk about her for some time;
- Learn to work with your emotional intelligence;
- Focus on positive thinking and learn to live in the present; Women and men indeed go through the break up in the same way but it is pretty difficult to put the pieces of the puzzle what he/she is feeling for the moment. The best way to find it out is to focus on yourself and carry on with your life! Adjust the time frame of the No Contact rule up to the time you think you need to reestablish everything. Adjust it to the length of your relationship (it can be a few days, weeks, or months). Things will work out on their way!
