No texting back to accept their ‘apologies’, not accepting their gifts, avoiding meeting them, blocking them everywhere, not hanging out in groups with mutual friends, or following one another on social media. While doing No Contact with a narcissist or any type really, the biggest concern is if the No Contact will work on your ex and whether your ex will come back after being distant. Yes, he or she will come back. Refusal and distance push a narcissist to fight again to be present in your life. The only reason they do it is to have control of your life and regain their source of attention and admiration. But, whether you’ll let your narcissistic ex back in your life, that depends on you, the way you use the No Contact Rule, and the personality of your narcissistic ex.
Does the No Contact Rule work on a narcissistic ex?
Yes, the No Contact rule works on a narcissistic ex. Even if this is your first time initiating No Contact with this type then it will work to change yourself and set boundaries with your ex. But, if you ask, will the results be the same as using it in a regular relationship and not in a toxic one? Then the answer to that is no. That’s because if you are using No Contact to take some type of revenge on your ex then that can come back like a boomerang to you too. But, even if you use the No Contact to just cut off ties completely with your narcissistic ex then this person might use everything that they have in hand to end your No Contact. They might become passive-aggressive thus trying to hurt you in every way. And this somehow impacts the process of your healing and focusing on yourself. 10 things that show how your narcissistic ex feels during No Contact:
1. They will instill negative thoughts about you in others
A narcissist will know perfectly well how to manipulate others and get them to think negatively about you. To gain power, a narcissistic ex will try to convince others that you are the one that impacted him/her negatively. At this point, a narcissist might even tell lies and create false stories about you. Thus, your ex has already created and put to work the victim mindset. In this case, you will need the help of a specialized coach to deal with it. Most of the time, their behavior will make you miserable. You’ll deal constantly with intrusive thoughts. They will help you to understand the way a narcissist thinks and what to do. You will have a unique plan, made just for you so you can get out of this situation easily.
2. Sends gifts to “apologize” for their mistakes
Right when you’re starting to forget about them and heal, your narcissistic ex will come back into the scene sending you gifts to apologize. This is his or her way to ring the bell to tell you that they exist, and in a way, they’re in pain to see you independent of their presence. A narcissist needs that source of admiration and attention. In this case, that source is you.
3. They will label inaccurate the way or reason you broke up
Unlike an emotionally stable ex, a narcissist will constantly state that there is no good reason for breaking up with him or her. During No Contact, an emotionally stable ex won’t send you a hundred texts or leave voice mails asking you for explanations when you have already told them why you want to break up with them. A narcissistic ex won’t accept the fact that you are the one that broke up with them, he or she wants to be the one that breaks up with you. This is the reason why they keep constantly coming back to you.
4. They will be angry and throw dirt on your name
How does a narcissist handle rejection and No Contact? Rejection and distance make a narcissist very angry and full of rage. They will take it personally and put their defensive mode on. With no contact, your narcissistic ex is left without an option to have you under his/her control. For him or her, it seems that now without touching you or having you near is no hard way to have you in ‘their hands’. Going through these things creates a huge amount of anger in your ex and their next tactic is to blame you for everything. They will use exclusive and hurtful language towards you to make you feel the same as them: small, have low self-esteem, angry at themselves and life.
5. They will beg and plead falsy to make a way for their return
Usually, after the breakup, an emotionally stable ex would beg and plead at the beginning of the breakup. After going No Contact they would try to focus more on themselves both parts. On the other hand, a narcissist during no contact will try to constantly beg and plead falsely. They will do it to just manipulate your feelings and thoughts. That’s because the no-contact effect on narcissists has a huge role, they just can’t take no as an answer. They don’t want to let you move on, so they’ll use your weakness against you.
6. They try to mess with your feelings and make you confused
It is one of the narcissist specialties: to play games with your feelings and thoughts. Once they have done everything to pull you away from them- gaslighting, hurting you verbally or at times even physically, or making you feel small – Suddenly, they start acting lovely, saying nice words to you. As your thoughts and feelings might be mixed now, your ex finds joy and pleasure in this game.
7. Your ex appears everywhere
The No Contact rule is taken as revenge from a narcissist. Yes, they view this rule as some sort of punishment. This is the reason that they appear everywhere. They just want to have again everything under their control. In this situation, they are quite sensitive and want the world to revolve around them. During No Contact, a narcissistic person will stalk you in person or through social media. Once you block him or her on social media or even their number, one thing that your ex will do is show up at every place that you are present to reach out to you. Be careful, if you feel uneasy and threatened by their actions seek help. Whether from a therapist, your family/friends, or even from any legal office.
8. They try to convince you that you have accused them wrongly
Instead of acknowledging their mistakes and trying to outgrow them, one thing that your ex will do during No Contact is convince you directly or through your friends that what you did was wrong. A narcissist won’t let you hit the dumper’s stage and come to a conclusion by yourself whether you have made the right decision or not. They don’t want you to be at peace with your decision. For your ex, it is easier to try to convince you through begging, pleading, giving you gifts, manipulating your friends and family members, that you’re doing the wrong thing by breaking up with him/her.
9. Your ex is going to spread rumors that they are the one who ended the relationship
A narcissist can’t admit that they have been defeated. Yes, going no contact with a narcissist hurt them. That’s because they do not have the power to have full access to you. They live for the power and make you live by their rules. Instead of accepting this fact and moving on, your ex will inform everyone that they broke up with you. This person will share your deepest secrets with them and embarrass you in their eyes. They will create lies that will make them feel powerful and have you under their control.
10. They jump to another relationship/s and cut communication with you
A narcissistic person is very likely to seek revenge and hurt you. No Contact for 90 days, 4 months, 6 months, less or more, with a narcissistic ex, can make them jump immediately into another relationship. With a sole purpose: to hurt you. They don’t want you to have time to heal and move on. By putting their defenses on, your ex plays mind games with you, showing that he or she was doing good on their own. Nevertheless, a narcissist ex will go for 90 days of No Contact and “respect” your boundaries as a part of the game. A narcissist will never let you go first. They will do it just to keep their game up and use reverse psychology. Even if you go 3 months, 4 months, or 6 months No Contact with a narcissist, they will still try to manipulate your feelings. If you ask “What does No Contact do to a narcissist?”, the answer is that it makes the narcissist have no power. They have no power as before hence during these months they try to even create fake relationships. They do this only to get your attention and make you jealous.
How does a narcissist feel when you don t beg and plead?
A narcissist will feel small, powerless, neglected, and confused when you don’t beg and plead. Since a narcissist is designed to manipulate your feelings and thoughts, having no control destroyed them. On the other hand, some narcissists will take this as an answer to continue and check on you. This will feed their ego, and they will feel like they need to make a stronger plan to manipulate you. One of the things that narcissists do when you go No contact with them is trying to regain power. They feel challenged and want to prove to you that they can still get you back. At the same time, they are angry, panicked, and frustrated. This is all a result of not being able to control the situation. At this moment, they will be thinking about whether to contact you or not. They might build a huge wall between you or constantly contact you. There is no in-between and they start to create stories about you. They will make themselves victims no matter what and you will be the villain in their story. Instead of working on themselves as the No Contact rule is, they will take it as a plan to get revenge. That’s why you should stay calm and follow a plan to not break the No Contact Rule.
Do narcissists come back after no contact?
Yes, a narcissist will come back again and again until you create a strong wall to let your ex know that you are pretty serious about cutting off communication with him or her. Your ex might come back after some months, several, or a few years. No one knows. This is how a narcissistic ex responds to No Contact:
- A narcissist will come back because now you seem fresh to them and want to recharge themselves by draining your energy, again.
- Your ex will come back to fulfill their void. Whether the other partner hasn’t made him/her feel special, your ex needs to be intimate with someone, feels lonely at this time, or requires attention.
- Asks you to remain friends. A narcissist will come back after No Contact to tell you that he or she wants to remain friends. This is one of your ex’s methods to create a path of having you under control whenever you are needed. There is a difference that you should make to not fall into the trap again unless you decide to go back for various reasons.
- Uses the pull and push method. Your ex comes back to prove to you that they can return to you whenever they want. Even if you are the one that broke up with your ex or vice versa.
- Rejection is what attracts a narcissist. Your ex comes back because they’re attracted to your rejection and want to get back to you for some time until they see you’ve changed their mind.
- It is payback time. During No Contact your ex has realized what kind of a person is and the impact that he or she has on others. And that you are the one to blame for hurting your ex by breaking up with them. This makes your ex come back so he/she will teach you some lessons and make you suffer the pain and anger that your ex has.
- “I have moved on, yeah, for sure”… Wants to let you know that he/she has already moved on and that you are not on bad terms. They want to keep the bridge between you and them to allow them to slowly come back into your life.
Does no contact hurt a narcissist?
No Contact doesn’t hurt a narcissist. What hurts her or him is the way that you can move on without them and be independent of their presence: it hurts their ego. What hurts a narcissist is the fact that he or she doesn’t have that power over you anymore. During No Contact your ex won’t have the same attention from you and that makes your ex go crazy. On the other hand, a narcissist is bored because for now he or she doesn’t have anyone to use as a source of getting attention and being loved and admired. And what keeps eating inside the narcissist is the feeling of guilt. The feeling of guilt comes from somehow losing the war that they have already set for you.
I broke the No Contact Rule with a narcissist… 5 tips on how to handle this situation!
Keeping No Contact with a narcissistic ex is surely a difficult task! That is due to their need for control, and their incredible ability to get what they want. A narcissistic ex pushes you towards breaking the No Contact. Your ex might use the method of hoovering to make you go back to him or her. Here are 5 tips on how to handle this situation:
- Don’t panic and rush into that relationship immediately. Even though you have broken No Contact and you weren’t supposed to do that, don’t feel scared and overwhelmed. All you have to do is remind yourself why you started No Contact first. Even though you might have accepted your ex’s gift or replied shortly, go back again to being distant.
- Make a distinction between real love and false love. Try to read more about feelings and emotions that someone who loves you truly might express towards you.
- Read more about No Contact and how that works with a narcissist. Or you might ask for some therapist’s help, which will lead you more to an accurate decision of how to react.
- Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for going back again to the place that you once were. Accept the fact that you will learn persistence with time and after rejecting your ex a few times, it will be easier for you to escape their manipulative behavior.
- When you break no contact, even for the second or third time, don’t feel ashamed. It’s understandable to feel the urge to break the No Contact, especially while dealing with the evil genius games of a narcissist. The best thing that you can do is realize that you don’t share the same feelings anymore. Make sure that now you know that your feelings about your narcissistic ex aren’t the same anymore. Now even you as the victim don’t feel that pleasure of getting back! 1. Do narcissists panic and wait for you to break the No Contact? Yes, narcissists panic and wait for you to break the No Contact. That’s not because they miss your presence, it’s a harsh thing to accept, but it’s true. Considering a narcissist’s need for control, admiration, and validation, they’ll do what it takes to get it back. They’ll refuse to blame themself, and use their ways to put the blame on you. By no contact you have banned your ex from conquering, hurting, and punishing you. They’ll panic because they want their power back.
- Should you tell a narcissist that you’re doing No Contact? Telling a narcissist that you’re going no contact might be more harmful than doing good to you. Instead of letting your narcissistic ex know that you’re doing No Contact, you can take action and initiate the No Contact. You can start by blocking your narcissistic ex on any platform, blocking their number and if you can’t do it at least you might change your number. These are signs that will give your ex a hint that you want to be distant.
- Can I use the gray rock method instead of the No Contact rule with a narcissistic ex? You might use the gray rock method on your narcissistic ex the moment that you know you’ll be able to control your emotions and thoughts. And reply very shortly. The gray rock method is suitable if you have a child together with your ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. Being careful and aware can work. But if you don’t have a strong reason to keep contact, then the best way to heal is No Contact at all. Callisto
