Some exes might not find it a problem if you still talk to your ex and others might make a fuss out of it. Talking to your ex is bad while in a relationship if you or they have still feelings for them is not a good idea. You will be confused constantly and won’t be able to focus and give all that you got in your current relationship. Also, you will give the wrong impression to your current partner if you are more focused on your ex than on them. Here are 8 reasons why you should talk to your ex while in a relationship:
1. If you are serious about pursuing this new relationship
If you have certain and pure feelings about your current partner then stop talking to your ex. Keeping a friendship with them will only impact negatively your current relationship. In this situation, an ex would be impacted negatively and would even start overthinking. Everything would be destroyed for them if they will notice that you were using your time and energy to build something else.
2. If you still have feelings for your ex
When you still feel something for your ex and you keep talking to them, you will slowly detach from your significant other. This negative energy and your behavior will reflect on them too. There will be problems with trusting you because you will spend a lot of time talking about them. Maybe you will try to cancel plans with your current partner and meet them. You will be more present in your ex’s life and you will try to be their savior. So, to put all this in simple words. You will transfer your relationship responsibilities from this relationship to your “friendship”. Most of the time, you will go back and forth and create more confusion. In this situation, you will end up leading both your ex and your partner.
3. When texting changes into sexting
Stop talking to your ex if you’re in a relationship and still have sexual fantasies for your ex. This will impact negatively mostly you and your current partner. If you can’t keep that friendship clean and have pure intentions then it’s better to stop it. ~In this case, it’s better to stop and reflect on what makes you have these types of fantasies. ~Ask yourself if you’re content in your current relationship or not. ~Is it you or your partner that isn’t fulfilling each other’s needs? It’s not easy to reflect on this type of situation by yourself. Here comes the extraordinary help of a relationship coach!
4. When your ex is a jealous type
As mentioned earlier on, each relationship is different and each partner reacts differently to an ex. What you should keep in mind is that the attachment style and your intentions will play a significant role here. If your current partner has an anxious attachment then they would be more afraid of losing you. This is the reason that causes jealousy and they’re afraid that you will detach or pull away from them. In this case, things might get complicated because your ex might try to make you jealous too. Then your current partner will be stuck in the middle. When you’re in a relationship, you should take care also of your partner’s feelings too. You should take into consideration what the other one is feeling and thinking at the moment.
5. When your ex is narcissistic
It would be wrong to talk to your narcissistic ex while you’re in a relationship. If your ex was narcissistic then keeping talking to them will only cause you harm. Thus, you will give them the chance to have access to your life and control you. In this situation, you won’t be able to maintain a new relationship because your ex will try to make you feel guilty. They still want your attention and will do anything to get you back. This doesn’t mean that they’re still in love with you. It’s just a narcissistic move that will help them feel good about themselves.
6. When you don’t let your ex know priorly about your connection
If your friendship with your ex is pure and has no hidden intentions then you should let your ex know about it. Talking to your ex while in a relationship and behind your ex’s back is wrong. Immediately, your current partner will feel betrayed and unimportant when they find out the truth. Talking to your ex is emotional cheating if you are close enough with them and you won’t let your partner know. This will cause a lot of trouble in your new relationship and your partner will have trust issues. If talking to your ex is casual, not constant and you have no feelings involved then that’s fine. Anything that exceeds these limits will make it look awkward and that’s quite unnecessary.
7. You have mixed feelings about your current partner
You are mixed up and your feelings for your partner are uncertain. It’s bad for you, your partner, and your ex if you have deeper feelings for your ex than for your current partner. You will create confusion on both sides. Nor your ex or your partner will know how you feel in reality. If you aren’t sure how you feel about your partner, it’s better to take a step back and be transparent with them. It’s better to take a step back from the whole situation and ponder your decision and feelings. Only by being transparent and reflecting, you won’t waste anyone’s time.
8. When your ex still loves you
If your ex is still in love with you but you have started a new relationship then it’s better to stop talking. Stop talking until you’re certain of your feelings too. If you don’t feel anything for your ex anymore then just stop communicating with them. You can directly let them know that you don’t feel the same or delete them from your social media. How you communicate this news depends on how you ended the relationship.
What can you do to stop talking to an ex while in a relationship?
The first thing that you can do is set your boundaries and understand what are you feeling at the moment. ~Reflect on your current relationship. If you have ended up in a rebound relationship then it’s better to reflect quickly. If you still do not feel ready to have a relationship with your new partner it’s better to pause. Take a step back and reflect on what are you feeling now. Check which feelings are stronger and take your time to reflect on your situation. ~You don’t need to agree to stay friends and keep in touch with your ex if you don’t feel like it. If you keep talking to your ex because you agreed to stay friends, you don’t have to do it. It’s better to cut it off earlier because later you will be forced to continue this friendship and things might get awkward. Let them know that this friendship is not suitable for you and that now you’re in a new relationship. If your ex was a controlling partner and you had to continue and be friends, you can just stop communicating with them. ~Get off social media. To stop talking to your ex you need to either block them or shut down your social media. When you’re in a new relationship and don’t want your ex to have access to your life, this is the best choice. You can’t avoid meeting them if you live in a small town but you can avoid them online. ~Don’t interact as much with them as before. If you ended up on good terms, try to not interact quite much with them. If you exceed the normal limit of talking to them then you will create trust issues with your partner. Let’s say, wishing them a happy birthday or checking up on them on special occasions isn’t wrong. Talking to them daily and hiding that from your partner, that’s wrong.
Is it toxic to keep talking to your ex?
Yes, talking to an ex is toxic if you use all your time and energy on them and leave your partner behind. Thus, you won’t be focused on your current relationship and your partner will feel unappreciated. In general, talking to an ex is never healthy. It can be something normal if you had a very good relationship and now both of you don’t have feelings for one another. Nevertheless, it’s quite toxic if you keep constantly thinking about them romantically. You will try to spend more time with them and be involved more in their life. In most cases, your current partner will feel left out and unlovable. As long as you don’t make them your priority, keeping in contact once in a while is not toxic.
Is talking to an ex while in a relationship cheating?
Talking to an ex isn’t cheating if you have an honest friendship and your partner knows about it. Whether this is weird or considered cheating depends on how much time you spend talking to them and your aim. Sometimes after the breakup, you might stay just friends with your ex but staying friends doesn’t mean that you have to communicate daily. Staying in contact constantly with an ex might cause you problems during the relationship. If you’re reforming a relationship with your ex then that is something quite wrong to do. You should be focused on your new relationship and on your partner. If you are fully romantically involved with your ex and new romantic feelings arise then that’s cheating. Even if you don’t sleep with them that doesn’t mean that you’re not cheating. The moment that you start to constantly think and hang out with them then you’re interested in them. This happens when you haven’t gone through the stages of breakup and embraced the grief. Now, you feel stuck in limbo and those suppressed feelings will come to the surface.
Talking to an ex while in a relationship!
Talking to an ex while in a relationship means that you are finding comfort in the past. If you spend more time and energy focused on your ex than on your partner that means that you’re uncertain. There’s nothing wrong to be friends with an ex if you have a healthy friendship. Being in contact with your ex isn’t wrong if you make your current partner feel safe and seen. Otherwise, everything will turn out ugly and your relationship will be hanging by a thread. Take a step back and reflect if this friendship is what you want and is impacting you positively. Sincerely, Callisto Adams
