The moment you start experiencing a relationship burnout and lose yourself in it, you need to take some time off. I know that there comes a point when you ask yourself if you’re being taken for granted or if you’re being clingy? It depends on how the relationship and your feelings developed. Maybe your partner isn’t giving you the attention that you crave or maybe they aren’t initiating texts or calls. Maybe you’re the only one who plans the dates and tries to show love. It’s these little details that are going to make you feel frustrated, hurt, and disappointed. That’s why you should stop giving too much and take a step back. This process should be the one where you find the genesis of yourself and if you can make things work. You must know that it isn’t an easy thing to pull back in a relationship, that’s why you need to take it slowly. Here are 10 tips on how to stop giving too much in a relationship:
1. Just stop and reflect
When you feel like you’re the only one putting effort into a relationship, you should take a step back. Pulling back without saying a worth won’t solve anything and won’t be healthy too. You can talk to them but slowly distance yourself, in small steps because this isn’t a breakup it is just taking. Try to focus on yourself for a bit and spend more time on your own. This can help you focus more and find the reason why this happened. Sometimes, you might be the reason that your partner might be distant, sometimes it is the vice versa.
2. Talk with your partner
The best thing to do when a partner pulls away in the relationship is to talk. You should never fall back in a relationship and be distant without addressing the problem first. If you never had this type of talk then it’s better to communicate your needs, feelings, and thoughts. It’s better to confront your feelings first, your fears, and then them. You will reflect differently and happiness will come from hearing and telling the truth. You need to believe that what you can give, you deserve to get back. When having the conversation be open and list the things that you think are lacking in your relationship. Try to not accuse them and have a victim mentality, it is better to give them space to express their feelings/thoughts.
3. Draw your boundaries
When there are signs that the relationship has ended or you’re mixed up, drawing boundaries will be a smart move. Jumping to conclusions immediately without reflecting first, will make you even more confused. Instead of doing it, sit and talk, and request some space. Let your partner know that you need some space and privacy to work on your feelings and thoughts. You can be less available in a relationship if you take the time to create your standards. No matter how much you love someone, you need to balance your needs, their needs, and your priorities. Remember, you can be emotionally open and draw boundaries at the same.
4. Socialize more and shift your mindset
Prioritizing yourself in a relationship is one of the fundamental things to do. If you’re able to work on yourself then you’ll reflect differently. Keep in mind that you don’t have to pursue your partner all the time. A relationship is all about balance. No one can care and give love at the same amount. What matters is the effort that is made by both of you. Instead of focusing all your time and energy on the relationship try to socialize more with other people. They could be your friends, family, or meet-up groups. You can join hiking or reading clubs, anything that fulfills you. You can try anything that levitates you as a human being.
5. Take yourself to dates
Love is all about self-acceptance, making each other complete, and working on your flaws. If you are happy within yourself then you can learn to give and receive in the relationship. You pull back from a relationship for a variety of reasons:
- You might not feel appreciated enough;
- You have an avoidant attachment style;
- Relationship anxiety- fear of commitment;
- You are experiencing unrequited love;
- Your partner started to lose interest in you and vice versa;
- You’re being manipulated by your partner; To create another point of view, take yourself on dates alone. This will allow you to grow as a person. You will be able to reflect on what your partner did and didn’t do while he was out with you. When you are overwhelmed and not happy with life, you might intend to misunderstand things. That’s why taking yourself to lunch or dinner will allow you to solve what you’re feeling and what you want. You will learn to be independent and rely on yourself.
6. Try to create scarcity to some scale
The way you behave in this relationship is a product of your previous partners and relationships with other people in general. If you are constantly the giver, you will feel empty, and sometimes you might not receive care at all. A few researchers have found that scarcity is quite romantic and not the contrary. You can love and care about your partner but at the same time, you will prioritize yourself. Learning how to be less available in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you won’t care about your partner anymore. This means that you will enjoy time for yourself, work on yourself, and reflect that to them.
Stay connected but don’t be the only one to initiate texts and calls;Try to maintain good communication but don’t be obsessed with them;Have your thoughts and opinions and allow them to do the same;Enjoy time together but manage to have different interests and hobbies;
When you keep this balance in the relationship, you won’t feel drained and clung to your partner.
7. You should build up your self-confidence
There are a couple of questions to be asked when a relationship isn’t working properly. Before stopping to care about a relationship, ask yourself if you are ready for a relationship right now. Is important to know if you feel independent and confident enough to be with someone. Ask yourself if there is something that you could do to make the relationship work. You need to know that you’re not dependent on your partner. To stop giving too much in a relationship, you should feel good about yourself first. You might be a caregiver by nature but the moment you feel insecure, you will always need your partner’s approval. This will lead you to give the best of yourself and be clingy at some point.
8. Get to know why your partner is acting like this
No matter if you are in a long or short-term relationship, you need to find the source of making your relationship unbalanced. It could be you the problem or your partner. If you are a part of a toxic relationship then this problem will be present for a long period. Take a step back and reflect. If you are the one that listens to their needs and helps them but they don’t do the same then try to track down the issue. Try to understand if this happens all the time or when your partner is tired or anxious about something. You might start by saying “Hey Gordon, I was just talking about investing time more in self-care, can I get your opinion.” The way you approach the issue is important. You will express your opinion and at the same time you will pin down the issue.
9. Discover what’s their and your love language
Everyone has a different way to express caring and love. Gary Chapman stated that once you learn your and your partner’s love language, you’ll find balance. In this case, you will learn why you care more and your partner doesn’t. You will learn why you are always available and your partner isn’t. You might be the type who likes to give gifts but your partner likes to give words of affirmation. The moment you don’t receive gifts or they aren’t good at initiating quality time, you need to talk about it. Most of the time, couples ignore these little details and complain that they only give too much in a relationship. Once you learn this, you will know how to give the needed amount of care in a relationship.
10. Define what “caring less in a relationship” means to you
Before knowing how to fall back on your boyfriend/girlfriend is important to know what caring less means to you. Why is it important to you to not care in this relationship? Is it because you want to gain some type of control or be heard? It’s true that in a relationship there comes a time when you need to distance yourself. You do it to clear your head or give your partner some time to recharge. Hence, if you want to stop caring in a relationship then you should have a solid reason. The moment you stop caring in a relationship then feelings can be involved and you’re numb. Without including feelings of compassion and love, the relationship won’t have any meaning.
How do you know that you’re giving too much in a relationship?
You know you’re giving too much in a relationship the moment you feel drained and forget to focus on yourself. You will feel uncertain about your place in the relationship and you will feel alone. These signs sometimes can be quite problematic and impact you and your relationship negatively. Here are some extra signs that you’re giving too much in a relationship:
- You don’t bother if your partner doesn’t give you the same type of attention;
- You put your partner and their needs before yours;
- You don’t ask for their help and try to do everything on your own to make them happy;
- You are afraid that if you don’t care this much, your partner will be upset and even be distant;
- You care this much because you want to receive more of your partner’s love and attention;
- You are always initiating calls and texts to ask about their day;
- Your partner avoids giving any opinion and agrees with you on everything;
- You believe that you’re the one who should keep the relationship together; 9. You don’t share your opinions either: You like everything your partner likes;
- You’re not their priority. In particular, you won’t get the same energy that you transmit. This will make you feel lonely and confused at times. To know how to overcome these issues, you might need extra help from known coaches. They will help you find the issue of your behavior and improve your relationship.
Does backing off help a relationship?
Yes, backing off after you have had a conversation will help a relationship or even you. In a relationship taking a break is important to create a new idea or reflect on your relationship. It doesn’t mean that you need to break or split. It means taking some time to work on yourself and understand what is going on. You will know what is triggering your partner to not focus on you. You can take a step back in your relationship and not use the No Contact Rule. In this case, you shouldn’t use it because you’re not experiencing a permanent breakup. Otherwise, you can create scarcity and nourish yourself just by balancing communication with your partner.
Does the person who cares less in the relationship have the “power”?
You might not define it as power, but mostly as a tool to create scarcity and balance. Once you don’t have that much access to someone, that void creates mystery. As a human being, you will be attracted to have more of what you don’t have. In general, women want more attention and affection than men. Men are attracted more to mystery and don’t want it easy. The only way to keep the spark in a relationship is to form some type of balance. This balance is created to know to care about your partner to some extent until you don’t impact one of you negatively. On the other hand, if your partner does this intentionally then yes they have the power. They have the power to push your buttons and manipulate you in a form.
Concluding this matter with a few words: Pulling back from a relationship!
You can pull back in a relationship because of yourself or because of your partner. This isn’t about giving up or not loving your partner anymore. It’s about understanding your needs and theirs. Without pulling back it would be quite difficult to reflect properly. If you’re the only one to care in the relationship constantly without receiving anything, you would feel drained. Try to take any piece of advice from this article that would be suitable for your situation. I believe that you will find the needed answer in a short time! Love, Callisto
