You had been waiting for his text for quite some time, and at some point, you gave up on it because you thought it just wouldn’t come. Now when you open your messaging app, you see the red dot indicating that you still haven’t opened the message yet, not knowing what to do. A bit of panic, self-doubt, a roll of emotions, and questions hit you altogether. Don’t worry, we have all been through a similar experience. It’s time to tackle it together! Here’s how to respond when he finally texts you back:
1. Read the message and process the information calmly
Before you start overthinking as to why he texted you back after much time has passed, let’s take a moment and process this calmly. See what he said, look at the message, and process it before you decide if and how you want to respond to his message. Before you decide on what to do and how you want to address it, you should take your time to process the information that you’ve received. Try to be rational with yourself and the way you feel. Understand what you are feeling and come to peace with it before you respond to him. You don’t want to act rashly and then hours later regret the decision you made. So be clear with yourself and what your expectations are. When he finally texts you back, you can respond to him calmly and collected, without reacting to sudden emotions, and trust that you can handle this just right.
2. Take the time you need before you decide to respond
It is okay to feel a bit overwhelmed with emotions and feel lost on what you want to do next. You don’t have to reply within minutes or hours. It’s up to you when you want to reply to him, or even if you want to do so. You don’t have to feel pressured to give him a positive response. This decision needs to come by you and you alone. Take your time to figure out your feelings and what is it that you want to say to him. You shouldn’t assume or react without proper explanation. Thus, your response needs to be well thought through, to the point, leaving him with the message you want him to receive while making sure that this is the outcome you want. Take the time you need. If you don’t feel like responding today, don’t respond today.
3. Have your response come from a genuine place
Perhaps there are a couple of negative feelings bottled up, you are angry and disappointed, you feel like you were not respected properly, and you want to vent all of that to him. What you feel is reasonable, okay, and normal. Emotions are meant to be felt, and they’re there for a reason. Responding with rudeness isn’t the best idea, especially not if you’re looking for reconciliation or a genuine response as to why he vanished. You probably thought that he should get a taste of his own medicine. This toxic way of response is neither productive nor good for your health. If you feel like you’re acting like an undervalued woman, you’re not. So instead you can respond to him kindly and with compassion about what you think about the situation, communicate your feelings, and break things off if you think that’s the best decision. Such an action can be taken only when you know your value, are confident with yourself, and are mature enough to tell your partner what you do or do not want. Take as much time as you need, and let your response be genuine, filtered, and clean. Make your point, but not from a place of insecurities and games.
4. Ask why he fell out of touch
You should know that it is not wrong of you to ask him why he suddenly lost touch. On the contrary, it’s very healthy to point out and address an issue that’s bothering you. It is rather how you address the question that makes you look clingy or high-value. Your reaction shouldn’t be aggressive, accusing, and as if he owes you an explanation for his manners. If he’s the one texting you first, he might tell you what happened without you asking him about it. Instead of responding in an accusing manner such as:
“Why didn’t you call me? It’s been 5 days since you came back to town!”
Rather, just respond kindly by saying:
“All’s good. Thank you. How did your week go?”
“You seem to have fallen out of touch. Is everything ok?
5. Initiate straightforward communication
If you want to tell him that this behavior of appearing and disappearing isn’t acceptable, do it. You’re deserving of decent treatment and you know it! You don’t have to beat around the bush or feel like you can’t tell him you were hurt by his actions. You just directly tell him what you don’t see eye to eye with. He might agree with you and apologize and perhaps even make it up to you for what he did. On the other hand, he might be disrespectful, get defensive, and help you dodge a bullet by showing his manipulative tricks on you. This is a mirror of what you might be confronted with down the line, and perhaps you should reconsider the connection with him before you proceed into anything further. Straightforward, honest, and sincere is the way to go. His response to your clarity will show his true colors and give you a grasp of his healthy or toxic approach to relationships.
6. Maintain your calm, but don’t pretend what he did didn’t bother you
Sure, we want to be kind, welcoming, and non-judgmental. But we don’t want to pretend it didn’t bother us when it did in actuality. So, you want to maintain your calm, but not pretend as if nothing happened. If you pretend to be calm and flowery, this might signal something to him… It’s likely to signal a sign that says “This behavior is okay, and she’ll keep up with it as long as I return.” We don’t want that. It’s not healthy, it’s rather toxic. So, keep it genuine. You don’t want to be hostile to his return, but neither do you want to pretend as if nothing has happened. His hurtful behaviors should be addressed if you’re looking forward to a healthy connection with open communication and respect.
7. Don’t respond if you don’t feel like responding
You should put yourself and your values before anything else, and when you sense that you are ready to respond, and know what your response is, do it at your own pace. On the other hand, if you don’t feel like responding, you absolutely can simply not respond. He took his time to reply, he took days, weeks, or months, years perhaps… You automatically have the right to choose not to respond to him. Don’t feel pressured to respond to him. If you’re not okay with flakey behavior, feel disrespected, and if you feel like he doesn’t deserve a response from you, then simply don’t respond. You’ve got the right not to.
8. Don’t act as if he owes you something either
Your first instinct would be to ignore him just as he did and make him wait for your response too. Or perhaps start a passive-judgemental tone that indirectly says “Do you know who you’re dealing with?” This is not the healthiest thing to do, no matter how much people say that you should make him wait. You should try to detach from the result which is not in your hand, and avoid unhealthy attachment. Thus, when it comes to responding to him when he finally texts back, you shouldn’t let that entitlement take over. You shouldn’t feel pressured to make him wait but neither answer back immediately. If you answer rude behavior with rudeness, you are setting for more negativity to come your way. That is why instead of reacting to rash emotions, you should step back until you have understood, accepted, and made peace with them. He doesn’t owe you anything. It’s up to you to depend on your joy in yourself instead of his response and opinions of you.
9. State your boundaries politely
Communicate your emotions and thoughts clearly to him. This way you set a proper setup for a strong and healthy base for your connections. What he did wasn’t healthy, and if it crossed your boundaries, you have to let him know. If you’re not willing to put up with such behavior again, you have to let him know. Politely. Not as if he owes you anything, not as if he did you a great injustice, not as if he swiped off your joy with his departure. Instead, you want to state your boundaries from a place of security, emotional stability, and maturity. It’s a matter of communicating your standards and making yourself clear instead of watching your boundaries crossed and your joy depending on someone else’s response to your presence.
10. When you’re ready, send him a text back! Here’s what you can say.
If it takes you six hours, two days, or more to respond, it’s fine as long as you are feeling great about it. You know, it’s just a text, and there is no need to fret much over it. Trust yourself and your intuition, let them guide you on how you want to respond to him when he finally texts you back. Besides trusting your intuition, you can also get inspired by or find something that resonates with you in some text examples! Here are texts you can send him to respond when he finally texts you back:
“Oh, hi! It’s been a while. I’m good, thanks. How have you been?”“No problem. Hope you managed to fix it! I’m good, thanks. How are you?”“Hi [name]. It’s been lovely to know you, but I’ve been noticing this is a pattern of your communication, and it’s not something I’m fond of. I’m sorry, and I wish you all the best!”“Hi! It’s nice to hear from you again. I’ve been good, living haha. How about you?”“Oh, hello there! I’m good, thank you. You disappeared all of a sudden, is everything okay?”“I’m doing well, thank you. What about you? Everything ok?”“It’s great you finally got through after such a long time. Is everything okay since it seems that you fell out of touch and didn’t reach out? I hope you’re doing fine now!”
Your response according to your situation: The unique response when he finally texts you back!
Confusion hits you the second you receive a text from him after a week or more of no talking. You might have already thought that he was not interested in you and came to peace and accepted that. However, all of a sudden he comes back into your life without any explanation. Different people have different situations. Your response should be properly made depending on your unique circumstances. This decision should be made by you on part of what you want the outcome to be. Don’t let yourself be swayed by others’ opinions into making a decision you are not happy with. Let’s go through this together too. Here is how to respond when he finally texts back in 6 different situations:
– He texts after he didn’t take you up on his offer for drinks
You proposed grabbing a few drinks together but you didn’t hear anything from him until a couple of days later asking if the offer still stands. You can let him know that what he did was not cool, but also pass the hot potato to see what he will suggest. And if you like it, take him up for it, and if you don’t, gently refuse him. You can respond by saying something like:
“That offer has expired already! The redemption depends on what you’ve got planned though. :P”“Oh, hi [name]. Sorry, but I’m no longer interested. Thank you though. I wish you the best.”
– If he comes up with excuses as to why he didn’t respond
After a few days of him not responding to your text, he might tell you the reasons why he couldn’t reach out to you sooner. However, some of those reasons sometimes sound absurd and very untrue. If he properly apologizes, you’re good. However, if he comes up with excuses that don’t make any sense, you’ve got a response to make! So this is how you respond:
“That’s alright. Have a great weekend!”“It’s okay. Though, I’m not okay with such mercurial behavior. I’m sorry, and I wish you the best.”
In this way you just acknowledge what he said, you’re okay with it, and that’s it. And that will get through the message that he might have done something wrong and should apologize for it
– It has been a week of no contact and he is asking to hang out
He finally got back to you after a week of no response and the first thing he asks is when you’d like to hang out together with him, without acknowledging your previous conversation he left unattended. Feeling like this situation is not settling well with you and need some clarification as to what is making him act this way. A way to respond to a guy who finally texted you back is: “Hey, it’s great that you got back to me. We fell out of touch soon after making up plans and it didn’t sit well with me that you didn’t let me know previously. I just don’t appreciate this kind of behavior and you don’t seem like someone who doesn’t follow through with what he says.” By doing this you’re letting him know that you are disappointed by his actions and that you thought more highly of him. And that if this is something he wishes to continue, you should discuss how to approach this behavior.
– He apologized for his actions but you have moved on
It is okay to feel sympathetic toward him when he gives you his heartfelt apology as to why he could get back to you sooner. But, if you decided to move on, then you’ve got to craft a particular response to let him know about it. Sure, you can have a change of heart and want to give him another chance, but also you don’t need to feel pressured to not tell him that you don’t want to continue this. Instead how you can respond to him is: “I am so sorry to hear that. But I have decided to move on, I’m sorry. I wish the best for you.” This is short, clear, and concise, and it won’t make him feel like he’s being accused or that you made a rash decision.
– He wants to take you out but you don’t want to take up his offer.
Ladies, you should know that it is okay to refuse an invitation if you don’t feel comfortable with him anymore, especially after he wants to meet up a week or more after he got back to you. If you don’t want to take his offer, this is how you respond when he gets back after a long time: “Thank you very much for the offer. I appreciate it. But I’d have to let you down since I think that this is not headed in the right direction, and I can’t seem to imagine a good result. However, best wishes to you, and I hope everything works out in your favor.” Wrapping up with this example, I hope you found this helpful! Remember, your joy can be a shakable value to be left in the hands of other people. It depends on you and who you let in. Love, Callisto
