Our societal norms aren’t based on realistic expectations, they’re based on unrealistic morals and constructs that clash harshly with vulnerable human nature. He’s a guy, a man, a human being after all. Of course, he’ll have his insecure moments, and of course, he can feel unsafe and insecure within a relationship. This is especially so if he’s been hurt in the past, if he’s new to relationships, or if the relationship with him is in its initial stages. So, how can a guy feel more secure? Well, this will be treated from an expert’s point of view so that we can have a fundamental understanding of this question! Here are 16 effective ways to make a man feel secure in a relationship:
1. Reassure him
Reassurance is one of the fundamental factors that play a fundamental role in building a secure base for your relationship. You can reassure him through your actions (i.e. non-verbal ways) and your words (verbal expressions). Here are a few things to say to a man to make him feel secure:
“I understand you.”
“I’m here for you.”
“You’re not annoying. I see you, and I hear you. I love every single bit of you, and there’s nothing you can say that’ll change my mind.”
“I see strength in your vulnerabilities. I’m here for you and will be. Remember, this is a judgment-free zone. You can talk to me about anything.”
Here are a few ways through which you can reassure him in indirect ways:
Let him know where you are and what you’re doing,Tell him you love him,Be willing to spend time with him,Make him feel special with your actions and way of behaving with him.
Note: This is also effective if you’re looking for ways to make your boyfriend feel secure in a long-distance relationship as well.
2. Be considerate of his needs
Being considerate of your partner’s needs is another way of showing care. Making him feel cared for will lead him to also feel safe in the relationship. To know what his needs are, you have to communicate with him. Ask him questions about himself, what makes him comfortable, and what makes him feel loved the most. Get to know him more, be curious about him, and consider his needs and wants before you say or do something that could potentially hurt him.
3. Show him you love him: make him feel loved and wanted
Find the ways that make him feel loved and practice those more often. Love opens a path to understanding and a sense of security. The sense of security is something that is built eventually with trust, love, affection, and genuine communication. The more emotionally connected you are the safer you both feel to open up.
4. Show him he can trust you with his vulnerabilities
Trust is established slowly in a relationship through little and grand gestures, ways of behaving, and ways of communicating. Showing him that he can trust you with his vulnerabilities will automatically give him a sense of safety and security within the relationship he has with you. You can do so by keeping his secrets, not being judgemental about what he says and how he behaves, and verbally telling him that he can trust you.
5. Listen to him and support him
Being fully present when he’s around will make him aware of your attentiveness and his importance to you, which easily makes your presence resemble safety to him. If you love him, his opinions and concerns will already be a matter of high importance to you, and listening will come naturally to you. This way you generate a safe place for him to express himself without the fear of being judged.
6. Try to understand him and his way of behaving
By understanding him and his ways of behaving you get a better understanding of what makes him feel secure. This way you get an understanding of how to navigate the relationship so that both of you reach a level of connection in which you feel safe with one another. See him for who he is without letting your thoughts be biased by your past experiences.
7. Avoid being judgemental
A judgemental person usually doesn’t resemble a safe place for us to express ourselves. This is why you have to be open to hearing his ideas, thoughts, and concerns without judging him for what he says or does. You can make a man feel emotionally safe with you by letting him open up to you and reach out to you for help without the fear of being judged by you.
8. Teaming up instead of fighting: fewer accusations, more kindness
Fights are almost inevitable within romantic relationships. There’ll be moments where your personalities and tastes will clash in moments of hesitance to compromise, it’s normal. To establish a sense of safety and security in a romantic relationship you have to have a careful approach to fighting. Instead of getting lost in the heat of the moment, think rationally and instead of finding words to hurt him, you want to find a way to team up and solve the issue as a team. Here’s an example: “I don’t want to fight with you, and I don’t want to hurt you. Let’s find a way to solve this together” It’s very easy to get lost in the heat of the moment and say mean things to your partner without thinking them through.Eventually, you end up hurting your partner causing the base of trust to start shaking.Understanding the ways to communicate with your partner is very important if you want to have a healthy relationship with them.When the situations get more complicated, the only way to solve the issues can be professional help.If you’re in need of professional help to solve your relationship issues then Relationship Hero is one click away!
9. Show him affection and attention: Avoid criticism
One of the ways to make an insecure man feel secure is by showing him affection and attention. It’s easier for him to feel secure if you show him the beauty you see in him. You indirectly show him that he’s valuable as he eventually gains strength and power to see the good in him and be secure within himself. Keep in mind: If his insecurities are stemming from his own perception and thoughts, then this is a journey he needs to take action on and you can support him but it doesn’t depend on you entirely.
10. Take accountability for your wrongdoings: apologize when you’re wrong
Taking accountability for your wrongdoings takes courage and it’s a form of surrendering to the feeling of vulnerability. This is also a way of showing him that you’re self-aware and that you’re not the person to want to hurt him. On the other hand, you make a safe room for him to be vulnerable as well. This is one of the most effective ways to make someone feel secure in a relationship.
11. Avoid defensiveness and passive-aggressive ways of behaving
Being overly defensive, using manipulation tactics, and being passive-aggressive will only contribute to your relationship being toxic. When the relationship becomes toxic it automatically creates an unsafe environment for both of you, making you both keep your guards up constantly. Defensiveness, manipulation tactics, and passive-aggressive behavior have negative effects on relationships by spiraling them down to either an abusive relationship or a harsh and perhaps a slow breakup. If you want to make him feel secure in a relationship then be open, honest, and sincere instead of being defensive and passive-aggressive.
12. Make yourself a safe space for him to express himself
You make your insecure man feel secure by making yourself a safe space for him to express himself. This means you show care, understanding, patience, and sincerity through your way of treating him, your behavior, and your way of talking to him. By showing him that you care for him and that you’re sincere you also make him feel safe to open up with you. That’s because, eventually, he’ll realize that your intentions are pure and that you’re not a mean intended person who’s capable of hurting him.
13. Express your affection through physical touch
Physical touch is widely known for its benefits in relationships, especially romantic relationships. It releases feel-good hormones in our brains and it’s an easy way of making each other feel safe and have a sense of security in our connections. It’s a very effective gesture that makes a man feel comfortable with a woman, especially if the connection is headed in a long-term direction. A soft touch of the hand when he’s in a bad mood or a gentle rub on his back while he’s doing something can be small gestures that remind him of your grand love and affection for him. Those can often be enough for him to find comfort and security in your presence.
14. Show him you’re capable of accepting him without being judgemental
A partner who’s capable of listening to him and accepting him without judging or criticizing him is what makes a man feel emotionally safe. That’s the right person. This way you show him that you’re willing to accept him for who he is without wanting to alter his personality. It’s also a way of building trust and emotional connection between you two. Love is about accepting and understanding your partner yet deciding to be there for your partner without judging them. And what a better way to make him feel secure than through love and acceptance!
15. Help him when you can
Offering him your help will give him a sense of relief and will strengthen the sense of partnership within your connection. Due to the social norms and constructions, men are taught that strength is doing things entirely on their own and that being vulnerable isn’t ‘manly’. This means that he might have difficulties asking for help when he needs it. Hence, offering help when you sense that he’s struggling is a good and effective way of making him feel safe around you. You’re accepting his manly ways of doing things but you’re also allowing him to show you his vulnerabilities and still feel as manly.
16. Present the opportunity for him to open up, but don’t insist
Giving him the space and the time he needs to feel safe around you is one of the ways you make a man feel safe enough to open his heart. It can sound controversial but this is how you show him that you’re capable of patience. In other words, you’re not imposing anything on him. You’re letting him be as he is and you’re being respectful of his space. You can present the opportunity for him to open up, you let him know you’re a trustworthy person and that he can talk to you about anything, but you don’t want to insist on him doing so.
What does it mean to feel safe in a relationship?
A secure relationship is something that is established by the couple giving parts of themselves into the relationship and opening to one another slowly and firmly. Here’s what a secure relationship feels like:
- You feel loved and cherished.
- There’s no pressure to become someone else for you to be accepted by your partner.
- There’s no sense of being judged, you feel accepted and understood.
- You know your partner doesn’t have mean intentions, you fully trust them.
- Vulnerability isn’t a scary thing to share with your partner as you feel safe and heard around them.
Conclusion: Making a man feel secure in a relationship
Trust and safety are fundamental values that are slowly established within a romantic relationship. Keep in mind that you were once strangers and it takes time for him and you to fully trust one another. Give it time, don’t rush it, and be open with him. You make him feel secure by reassuring him, being considerate of his needs, showing him affection, letting him know that you’re a safe place for him to open up, and respecting the time he needs to open up. It takes time, but you’ll both get there. Love, Callisto
