Going through this phase is tough. You’re not only hurt but also overwhelmed. You experience anxiety, lethargy, insomnia, loneliness, and irritability. Recovering from a breakup takes learning to cope with these feelings. Indeed, the healing doesn’t happen in a blink of an eye. It isn’t easy to move on from a place and a person that you’ve been part of. But, to heal from it you must forgive yourself, stop overanalyzing, and learn to let go. Know that you’re understood and safe here! Here are 10 tips to heal from a breakup:
1. Embrace what you’re feeling
Many people struggle with denial and can’t accept the reality that the relationship is over. Scientific studies show how emotions impact the way we act towards an issue, how we feel and solve it. That’s why the healing process will be different for anyone. It takes time to accept reality and move on. You should focus more on yourself and understand what you’re feeling. You can’t do it by over socializing, meeting new guys, or going to gatherings. That’s a slight form of avoidance. Instead, take trips by yourself, read books, and surround yourself with people or things that remind you of your true self.
2. Don’t beat yourself up
It’s pretty understandable to blame yourself for everything that happened. You convince yourself that you might never love like that again. You wonder if you’ll ever find someone as marvelous as your ex. Add to this, mourning over the fact that your ex won’t ever come back. To get away from this dark place you need to be at peace with yourself. One way to achieve peace of mind and heart is to declutter. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex. Then you practice acceptance and search for things and people that give you joy. Note: This won’t omit your pain or make you forget your ex in an instant. This will help you push those painful memories in the back of your head. Soon you’ll replace them with new ones.
3. Learn to be alone
It’s pretty common to feel lonely after a breakup. Still, you need to get on your feet and return to yourself. You can deal with the loneliness after the breakup by using the breakup time to reflect.
Instead of feeling small, reflect on how happy/unhappy you were in the relationship.
Write down your good qualities and keep developing them more.
Change your room decorations or your furniture, just to give it a little change.
Take a trip on your own.
Reconnect with your old self. Do what you liked to do before entering this relationship.
Going back to your old self won’t erase loneliness. This will boost your self-confidence and keep you at ease.
4. Use the No Contact Rule
Using No Contact after a breakup helps in mending your heart and yourself. The main aim of No Contact is to change your mindset. Now, from focusing on whether your ex is hurt after the breakup, what he or she is thinking, you focus on your development. As soon as you start to detach from your ex, you can work on your own feelings and needs. By using No Contact you set your boundaries. You won’t be stuck in limbo once you set your boundaries.
5. Try to stop ruminating
According to Freud, intense emotions can trigger negative memories or feelings. This makes you remember what you’ve gone through. After the breakup, you’re stuck in blame, guilt, shame, and unforgiveness. You’re caught in a vicious circle. You reminisce on memories. Remembering your past conversations and how he made you feel, hinders you from healing. To recover from a breakup and stop ruminating, you need to face reality. You cannot erase the memories, but try to detach yourself from fantasizing about him. You can do it by appreciating good times but learning from past mistakes.
6. Estimate what you want and what you need
When you experience a breakup, it’s pretty normal to feel confused and wonder if your ex ever loved you. Feeling unloved and in pain, pushes you to take actions based on your ego. Ego will tell you what you want whereas intuition will tell you what you need. Listening to your ego will pull you back and won’t help you heal. Ego tells you to make your ex crawl back to you and regret their decision. You want to prove that you’re good on your own. If you work with your intuition then you can do good on your own, but just because you want it. Healing while listening to intuition, you’ll forgive yourself and your ex. You won’t get stuck in rumination.
7. There is no perfect timing to heal
Different stages of breakup impact the constant change of feelings. One day you feel in pain and anger another day you would feel anxious or lonely. Whereas, some other days you’re relieved to be out of that relationship. Don’t get hung up on the idea of the perfect timing to heal. Let go of thinking that you should be healed by this certain time. If you think it that way, any part of you will be stuck in the past and not be able to move forward. So, take it one day at a time. One day scream your feelings away. Another day you’ll dance these feelings away. It’s just a matter of time and how much you’ll focus on working on yourself.
8. You can control only your feelings
A simple way to heal after the breakup is to focus on yourself. I know and understand that your soul and heart will ache for weeks or months. Your mind will roam around your ex. Yet, you can’t make your ex come back or fix a relationship by controlling their feelings/thoughts. Instead of doing it, focus on your self-improvement. If you feel hurt and not appreciated, reflect on what makes you feel that way. If this was a result of not drawing your boundaries, then now you have time to work on it.
9. Spot the elements that caused the breakup
Identifying the crucial reason why your relationship didn’t work will help you to accept the breakup. It’s impossible to reflect on it right after the breakup. The pain, confusion, and blame won’t let you reflect immediately and properly. Be aware that it is a slow process. You need to be on good terms with the fact that you’re on your own. After accepting it, you can be objective on what you or your ex did wrong.
10. Rediscover yourself and know your worth
What initiates healing after the breakup is when you start to rebuild your self-esteem. When in a relationship, you might lose yourself so you can adjust to your partner. Detaching from your ex will give you time to know where you stand as an individual. Focus on your passions. Try new hobbies. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. You can rediscover yourself when you’re surrounded by people who have similar interests or goals. The ones that help you to be better and be yourself.
How long does it take to heal from a breakup?
The length of this process depends on a variety of things. That depends on how things ended, your will to work on yourself, and on the length of your relationship. Here are five different situations. The time frame of recovering from a breakup is different for each situation. ~ If your ex cheated on you or vice versa: If you were the one who was cheated on then it will look like you hit the rock bottom. Recovering from the breakup will take longer than usual. In the first weeks, you’ll feel not loved and small. You need more than just three to six months to recover from the trauma and the loss of trust. After six months, you’ll be able to reflect a little bit on your past relationship. On the other hand, if you cheated, your conscience will start to trigger your feelings after some months. In the beginning, you won’t feel guilty for cheating. Then after a few months, guilt won’t leave you to heal from the breakup faster. ~ If you were the dumpee or the dumper: The one who decides to end the relationship tends to heal faster from the breakup than the dumpee. The healing process is different from one another and the dumpee is more hurt. If you’re dumped you’ll feel overwhelmed and rejected. It will take up to three weeks to start the recovery process. ~ If you were in a short-term or long-term relationship: If you were in a longer relationship then the attachment differs from a short-term relationship. Getting out of a long-term relationship leaves broken and with low self-esteem. Once you invest time and feelings in a relationship then it will take half that time to recover from the breakup. ~ If you were married: The transition from spending a part of your life with someone to being alone takes a lot of time. The breakup after the marriage hits harder than any other. It looks like everything has stopped. The grieving process won’t stop for one month or three months. Recovering from a separation lasts from a year to two. This all depends on o the complexity of separation and what type of relationship you had. ~ If you invested more time and feelings than your ex: When a guy doesn’t know what he wants, he won’t invest time and feelings in the relationship like you. Unrequited love instills in you some feelings that after the breakup it’s hard to erase. That’s why getting over an unrequited love requires up to three months. For three months, you’ll be able to enter that zone when you feel good with yourself. The first month is hard to rebuild your self-confidence and learn to love yourself. After it, you’ll be able to recognize your feelings and your worth.
Can I get extra help in recovering from a breakup?
Additional personal stories that our team of Hetexted has found to help you in this journey:
- How I am dealing with heartbreak;
- To anyone going through a breakup;
- Healing after a breakup: How I healed; Extra information/recommendation regarding licensed therapists, to help in the recovery process:
American Psychologist Association;
Find a Psychologist;
Open Counseling;
Licensed Counselors in your area;
One final thought: How to heal after a breakup?
You can heal after the breakup once you allow yourself to grieve, you’re patient, and accept reality. The moment you restart to love yourself then you’ll be able to recover fully from the breakup. Take baby steps in recovery. You can do it! If you surround yourself with positivity, you’ll gain prosperity. Tight hugs, Callisto
