To get your ex back you should focus on your self-development, honesty, and transparency. Give both of you some space and time to reflect and work on your flaws. This might take some time. It might take a month, three months, up to a year or more! On the other hand, using manipulative methods or mind games can turn things around a little bit. Sometimes, it’s the fastest way to get your ex back. Hence, using this method can lead to the same crisis in your relationship later on. This isn’t what I recommend you do! To save a relationship or grow as a person, you should take a realistic look at this matter. Be objective and not only optimistic! Below you’ll find 12 tips on how to get your ex-boyfriend back:
1. Balance your thoughts and emotions
It’s pretty normal to feel overwhelmed and mixed up after a breakup. However, to have your emotions and feelings under control, you should focus on mending yourself. Instead of immediately focusing on chasing him again, take a step back. You’ll spot the issue once you shift your mindset from ‘How to get my ex-boyfriend back’ to ‘Will my ex and I have a chance together’. By asking this question, your perspective on the relationship will change for the better. Stop putting him on a pedestal. Stop seeing him as someone you’re not worthy of. Finally, stop feeling inferior to his superiority. You won’t be clingy or needy. Your decisions won’t be based on your emotions only. You’ll have the logic into play to help you understand if following your emotions at the moment is the reasonable thing to do or not.
2. Define why you want your ex-boyfriend back
You want him back because…
Is it because you can’t live on your own?
Is it because you feel complete with him?
Is it because you admire him more than you admire yourself?
Is it because you’re one another’s half?
It’s impossible to have the right answer after the breakup. Especially at the beginning, it’s a little bit hard to think about your life without him in it. After experiencing pain you will be caught up in your feelings. Once you’ve gone through the first stages of the breakup, you’ll know if you want him back or not. The moment you are over the breakup and have no expectations from your ex-boyfriend you’ll know why and if you truly want him back. You’ll learn about yourself and why the relationship failed. You’ll be able to define the reason why you want him back in your life. In the beginning, you’re emotionally overwhelmed which affects your decision and thought-process a lot. Before making a decision, don’t rush it up; Take your time.
3. Analyse the reason you broke up
How to get back to your ex-boyfriend when he broke up with you? Pretty simple. Reflect on what went wrong since you had the first big fight. Find the root of this issue. This will be a chance for you to be self-critical. Then, reflect on your ex. The change, nourishment, and self-reflection will attract your ex-boyfriend. Once you analyze the reason, it’ll be easier for you to reflect on your ex too. Now you’ll know the weakest point of your relationship and how you’ll fix it. How to make your ex-boyfriend jealous? 10 tips to succeed at it!
4. Be distant from him and focus on yourself
The best way to get your ex-boyfriend back is using the No Contact Rule. By not texting or calling him you will gain the strength to be on your own. You’ll create a form of scarcity by being distant. When he expects you to be needy and clingy, you’ll be independent. This will attract him more and make him curious. Don’t try to pursue him. Give him the space and time to make his own decision if he wants to be with you again or not. Take a step back, reevaluate your life and shift your mindset from we to me. He’ll be back.
5. Try to fix your mistakes
A famous quote says: “When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back.” Meaning when you try to accuse your ex of their mistakes, try to have a closer look at your mistakes too. Even though it’s pretty normal to be bitter at your ex at the beginning of the breakup. Being caught up in fights might have stopped you to reflect properly on your relationship and yourself too. You can reflect by being distant from your ex-boyfriend. While investing this time in yourself, you will see yourself from a different perspective. Take time to redefine yourself. You’ll know your potential and your weaknesses. This will reflect positively on your ex too.
6. Avoid staying friends with him
Being still in contact and close won’t give him the space and time to reflect. If you keep being friends and still have feelings for him, that won’t bring him back as a lover. The feelings will be involved, both of you won’t reflect correctly, and emotions will lead you. If he wants you to leave him alone after the breakup then do it. Give him the needed space to miss you, your presence, and your attention. Yes, you can be friends only after you have no expectations from him. You are nourished and you want to refresh this relationship. He will be ready and curious to see those changes and start as friends first. You can write him a short and simple first text, with a positive tone once you’ve given him enough distance to taste what it’s like to be without you.
7. Get to know his stance towards you
His stance and opinion about your relationship are very important. The breakup and No Contact will have a huge impact on your ex-boyfriend too. You might think “I want my boyfriend back”. Look at this situation from another point of view. What if he has lost interest in you in the meantime. What if he’s still emotionally attracted to you, and admires you, but he isn’t ready to restart the relationship. It’s very crucial to take a grip on these details. It will be easier for you to know your next move. If he wants space you’ve got to give him space.
8. Don’t be nosey about his dating life
I know it’s very hard to fight this type of temptation. Being focused on your ex-boyfriend’s dating life and trying indirect ways to interfere, won’t help you in getting him back. You’ll only push him away by messing with his dating life. Even if he’s dating someone, there is no need for panic. Focus and shift that energy towards working on yourself. While he is in another relationship and not happy, he’ll know that he messed up with you. Sooner or later, he’ll be curious about you. He would want to know if there’s a second chance for him.
9. Don’t restrain the process
Patience is the key to mending a heart and a relationship. It doesn’t make the difference if you’re the dumper or the dumpee. If you force things, you won’t attract your ex. He will pull away even further. This means: When you’re patient and focused on your healing, your ex-boyfriend will be curious about your absence. Also, you will gain a new perspective on your relationship. Now, you’re asking whether you see yourself together with your ex anymore.
10. Try to live your life offline
Even at the beginning of the breakup or during it, social media will hinder the process of healing. If you don’t shut down all your social media, you’ll be tempted. You’ll feel that urge to DM him, and you’ll do it, at some point. On top of that, while fighting your temptation, you’ll create mystery. You won’t be clingy and your ex will start to wonder what you’re up to, he’ll start to hold on to that feeling and will be back texting/calling you before you even notice.
11. Contact him when you don’t have expectations
When you feel that you’re over the breakup and all nourished, text him first. By texting, you can test the waters and not do anything inappropriate. Don’t make this process about chasing him. You might take a friendly approach by keeping things light and fond. It’s better to inform him that you’re not chasing him. You contacted him to check on him and chat a little bit. If he isn’t fond of this idea then it’s better to take a step back and not continue.
12. Accept his decision
Persistence isn’t going to be the key to getting your ex back. If you’ve been going through every piece of advice and your ex is determined to not get back, then you should respect it. You and he should continue your distance. Some men need more time to heal or even make a decision. Keep your stance on this relationship without being persistent in imposing a particular decision on him. Use that time to work on yourself, do things you love, and nourish yourself with good books, information, and people.
What to do if I want my ex back, but he has lost feelings for me?
Feelings do change, but they never change overnight. He neglects you because maybe he has trust issues, he is still hurt, he doesn’t feel he’s good for you, or he has lost himself in this relationship. Most mistakes happen after the breakup. As you’re thinking that you’re pulling him towards you, you’re pushing him away. How are we going to turn things around? ~ Let go of things that aren’t under your control. If you keep focusing on your ex’s feelings then you’re going to push him away. It’s normal to be overwhelmed by your feelings. You might be afraid that you’re losing the love of your life. You should face this fear and search for ways to improve yourself first. Worrying about his feelings towards you won’t bring him back. ~ Focus on bringing the best version of yourself. You can’t make your ex-boyfriend get back to you. You should learn how to re-attract him first. What reattracts your ex is the new version of you. Once you’ve embraced changes there is nothing that would stop you from reconciling. He might be interested to have a peek at these changes. ~ Allow him to sit with his decision. If he needs some time alone and says that he feels that way, then don’t interfere any further. Not respecting his decision will only disconnect him more from you. ~ Make him believe that it’s worthy to return to a relationship with you. While being distant and working on yourself you give him the space and time to reflect. He needs to see that if he’s coming back to the same relationship:
He will be valued.
He would feel listened to.
He would feel respected.
He would work on himself to make a better you too.
~ Work on your attachment style. It’s important to reflect on what made your ex leave. Thus, you’ll know what type of attachment you used with him, while you’re in the relationship. Maybe it’s not that he doesn’t love you anymore. Maybe he just didn’t have any reason to stay. It could be that you lost the spark. Didn’t listen to his needs. Maybe he lost patience with you. Something in between might have happened. You’ll have time to think about these relationship skills and improve them while using No Contact.
How to win my ex-boyfriend back after I’ve cheated on him?
In general, infidelity hurts and it’s such a messy process. One should accept the fact that after cheating, he’s going to have a hard time loving you back. To start, you should accept the blame and give him some time to deal with his pain. Moreover, don’t try to push him close by begging and pleading. Even if you’re truly sorry. You should know that it will take some time for your ex-boyfriend to rebuild trust. This isn’t a typical breakup. Apologize sincerely and give him some time to calm down. Keep in mind that in this situation, patience is the key. After some time his anger will be gone. Don’t talk about love. Try to talk about what the root of the issue was. Try to understand what pushed you to cheat. You should start small. Understand him. Be in his shoes. Accept reality. At last, be your true self. Make him realize why you loved him in the first place.
Stories of success, getting your ex back!
Here are a few experiences (that our team Hetexted found) from different people who got their ex together after a breakup:
Explaining why I and John got back together
Exes who get back together after a long breakup
How I got my ex back
- How do you know he won’t come back? He won’t come back if you’ve already had multiple breakups that led to this breakup. Perhaps it was the worst of all. He’ll show some signs if he won’t come back for good:
He doesn’t want to meet with you even after you use No Contact;
He asks to not contact him again;
He’s in another relationship. He’s now committed to his other partner;
He advises you to move on;
He never returns your texts or calls;
He gives your things back;
- Which are the signs that he will come back? He’ll come back to you, once he’s earned your trust or has built the confidence of nourishing your relationship. Here are a few signs he’ll come back:
He’s not mad at you anymore;
He tries to give you hints that he wants to talk to you;
He still follows you on social media;
He hasn’t blocked you after the breakup;
He asks your friends about you;
- Should I date while trying to get my ex-boyfriend back? You should not date if you want to use it as a way to get your ex-boyfriend back or move on. A rebound relationship won’t help you to win your ex back. Instead, you’ll be even more confused and you’ll end up hurt. This will push him further.
Closing the curtains here: How do I get my ex-boyfriend back fast?
There’s no such thing as getting your ex-boyfriend fast or slow. All that matters is to create distance and work on yourselves until you’re healed. This way you’ll figure out a solution to your relationship issues. If your ex-boyfriend is willing to change and make the relationship work, he’ll be back. Otherwise, you focus on your life purpose and manifest the relationship you want. You can do it! Warm hugs, Callisto
