When you might have already stopped contact, you cannot text him in an attempt to immerse yourself into something that makes you happy. This period will surely make you feel anxious, question your actions, and reevaluate your worth, which is the last thing you should be doing. The ring of your phone gives you a light of hope that he has finally reached out, preventing you from moving on, every single time. Grab my hand and let me guide you! Here are 12 things you can do to not text him:
1. Focus on doing something meaningful
The urge to text him is strong, so to resist it, you’ve got to keep yourself busy doing something meaningful to you and calming your spirit. Don’t let the anxiety creep in and let it push you to text him. Do things that bring you happiness and get immensely involved in the process. Something else you can do to not text him is focus on developing a new skill set that you have wanted to do for so long. Pick up an activity you’ve been rescheduling. Do something that fulfills you emotionally. Since you haven’t received a text from him, stopping the urge to text him could be fought by reading something helpful, traveling, or reorganizing your closet. Anything that brings you happiness will act as a tool that will show you why you can be happy even without him like you were before meeting him.
2. Jot down 3 positive things about yourself
The urge to text him will be followed by self-depreciative thoughts that continuously follow you whenever the urge to text him kicks in. To not let yourself be defined by someone else’s actions, write down 3 things you love about yourself to stop texting him. It might be hard psychologically, but whenever you do, you will be aware of what he has made you feel and what you think about yourself. These two opinions might contradict each other which will help avoid self-blame and not be swallowed by self-pity. Signs that you have started to pity yourself are:
Feeling unfair with your situation; Getting angry at other people; Seeking empathy from others;
Therefore, reminding yourself of what makes you proudly stand out from others and embracing your uniqueness will keep you from texting him.
3. Give yourself a limit to wait until he texts
Since he hasn’t texted yet, you should set up a reasonable time limit during which you will wait for his text, and afterward, you’re done with him. Avoid high expectations because you might set yourself up for disappointment and get bound to hurt. When the time comes, and he still hasn’t texted, you will get disappointed but not as much because you went in with no expectations. While you might have anticipated grief, it will help you deal better with rejection, and sadness and pull yourself together. To stop the urge from texting him, set a time limit that you will abide by, for when you will stop waiting for him to text you back. If he doesn’t you will feel less overwhelmed with sadness than when you text him and still be met with silence.
4. Try staying away from your phone and be present in the real world
To not text him, you should stop constantly checking your phone for his text, cut some time off from the virtual world, and start living the real life. You shouldn’t hide away from the pain, nonetheless, you shouldn’t be fostering it instead of trying to heal yourself. Set dates with your friends/family and try to stay away from your phone by being present in the moment and not paying attention to your phone. To resist the urge to text him, avoid going to the chat to reload the conversation or momentarily thinking about texting him. This behavior can turn obsessive and negatively affect your health by increasing your anxiety and increasing the possibility of depression. Therefore, to keep your mind off of him and resist the desire to text him, seek emotional support from friends/family and continuously remind yourself of your values.
5. Resist the urge to text him by reminding yourself of your core values
What he might have done could have been against your morals and values, thus, whenever you get the urge to text him, remind yourself of his actions. You will feel that the impulse will go away as you don’t want to give another chance to someone who isn’t respectful toward you and your values. Once you start learning to respect yourself again, you will understand that you won’t stand to be treated differently from him. Eventually, the urge to text him becomes ridiculous to your logic despite your emotions cheerleading the idea of texting him. When you communicate to a guy how you like to be treated, if he’s into you, he will do his utmost to do it the right way. The moment the impulse to text him hits, think about the anxiety and stress his behavior would bring if you’d in a relationship with him. So when you want to not text him, think about:
A time he made you question yourself; A text that made you feel less; A behavior that contraindicated your values; A word of his that made you sad;
… which makes you go in your head “I won’t ever text him again!”
6. Set a new goal for yourself and try to achieve it
When trying to resist the urge to text him, focus on some long-life goal that you always wanted to achieve but never had the time to commit to. With setting new expectations for success, your mind will already work on solutions and processes, and won’t have time to think about him. Before you scuff, your achievement can be from something as simple as solving a puzzle piece to a complex project or establishment of a desire. Although keeping busy will help you resist the urge to text him, you also need to set up some time for yourself to decompress and let yourself feel. The only way you can heal is by letting yourself feel and strongly believe that you can pull through this. You don’t have to do it alone. You can always consult a psychologist for help and how to deal with what you’re feeling.
7. Think of what you don’t like about him
Whenever the urge to text him arises, you start listing down on a piece of paper, all the things you don’t like about him. Do this every time you find yourself leaning towards your phone to text him. Once it occurs, grab that list and add a bunch of new things you don’t like about the guy. Since he’s the one being gone, you’re likely to feed yourself an overly romanticized version of him instead of a realistic one. You’re likely to start romanticizing his behavior, his looks, his attitude, and other things about him because he’s no longer approachable. This will help you set your feet on the ground and have a realistic approach to this guy! Go through that ist when you need to stop yourself, and it will do the trick. It acts as a reminder of the “he’s perfect” delusion. After some time, you might be completely free of any thoughts about him since you already saw those flaws that had an unrealistic filter over them.
8. You can block and delete his number
If you feel like nothing will work to stop the urge from texting, delete or block his number. This way you will have no way of communicating with him and it’s the only way that’ll practically and technically prevent you from texting him. This might be a hard decision to make, but do it on your own time and don’t regret it later. When you decide to do this, don’t write his phone number down in a “just in case” manner, and DO NOT try to learn it by heart! Delete the chat box and all of his messages that you have received, and have a clean slate start.
9. Start writing a journal
According to Dr. Peterson, writing helps you shape your thoughts more coherently and make sense of what is going on in your head. When writing down in your journal, you will find that giving shape to your thoughts might be difficult. That is because you will need to make sense of something to put it on paper. When you finally see your words on paper, you will see what the problem is, what isn’t, and what’s the best solution to it. Writing in a journal makes your thoughts and ideas more concrete, clear, and easier to understand their level of reasonability. In this case, the urge of texting him can sound a bit unreasonable once put on paper. Try listing the reasons why you’re wanting to text him, believe me, you won’t find a reasonable one! It’s a form of talking with yourself and providing advice to your written persona and seeing if you might take it. Whenever the urge hits, write it down in your journal about how that makes you feel, and a possible solution for it. Once it’s written it’s more real, structured, and concrete to concur!
10. Stay away from social media, especially his social media!
Don’t go to his socials to just get a glimpse of what he is doing in hopes that you will leave unbothered. It will just make you feel worse and increase the urge to text him. Thus, do not text him, avoid stalking him online or replying to his stories, in addition to checking his profile for any relationship updates. Block him and just completely erase him from your life. Contemplate whether his return would make a significant impact on your life. Only when you are ready to accept that your relationship won’t work will you be able to resist the urge to text him and move on. Don’t let the advertisement of his life on social media push you to do the same just to prove to him that you’re doing amazing. Share things only you are comfortable with and don’t let yourself end some one-sided competition that is worthless and will negatively affect your mental health.
11. Don’t go looking for his validation
You don’t need his or anyone’s validation to make you feel worthy and special. You need to believe in yourself and be confident in who you are. His texts shouldn’t be a scale of self-evaluation. Resisting the impulse to texting just to see if he will respond will negatively reflect on your self-image. Avoid seeking closure because you might not get it, which will leave you half-heartedly facing the world. He gave you some kind of closure when he went radio silent and already gave you a picture of himself with the behavior he showed towards you. When the urge to text him comes, think of what you are expecting of him and whether you’d go back to him or not after what he made you feel.
12. Be the high-value woman you are
Think of a highly valued woman you look up to, and what she would do if she found herself in this situation. Don’t let your value decrease because you’re giving too much of yourself. Think of your core values and let those values help reshape you into an even better version of who you were previously. To not text him, think about the changes you went through and the negativity they brought into your life. Let yourself feel. Empty yourself of negativity and then set up for feeding your high-value tendencies. Because when you already feel good about yourself, you won’t feel the urge to text him to get his validation, rather, you are already aware of the incredible woman you are.
What’s a sign to keep an eye out that I’m doing a good job resisting the urge to text him?
When moving on from a relationship, fighting the urge to text him back is very prominent. Sometimes, no matter how hard you work, it seems like you aren’t moving. Self-identification of progress might be difficult as you are too focused on the work that you don’t know if it’s already working. You’re on the right path of resisting the urge to text him when… – You won’t find yourself reaching for your phone. After some time has passed, you haven’t caught yourself reaching the phone to text him, and you’ve started to pay more attention to yourself. You might be reaching for the phone to text him only when you’re feeling lonely or sad, but manage to find comfort somewhere else instead of him. The thought of reaching out to him isn’t as crushing and necessary as in the beginning, and you’re starting to wonder if it was worth it. – He hardly crosses your mind. You find yourself thinking about him let alone texting him. You’re focused on making yourself happy. He is no longer a source of validation, joy, or other emotions within. Even when you encounter something that reminds you of him, there is no rush of emotions going through your body. This tells you that your emotions have been sorted. – You’re feeling better than at the beginning of this journey. Mentally and physically you feel stronger and not as exhausted as when your contact is completely cut off. You willingly are doing things for yourself and others and started to recognize your self-worth and what it means to be comfortable in your skin again. – This situation is starting to seem a little funny to you. When you think of him, there is no more pain cruising through your body, but rather an appreciation for the experience you had with him. Although it might have not been a ride in the park, reminiscing about the good moments just brings a smile to your face, while dearly holding your memories. Sometimes you catch yourself finding this a bit funny because the idea of yourself being desperate for him is now ridiculous. You’re healing and now your perspective has shifted. You’ll see things differently including yourself. Love, Callisto
