You’re programmed to think that way. You perceive it as rejection and we as species don’t really deal well with rejection. Whether he told you he doesn’t want you anymore, or you just kind of sense that he’s not wanting you, it hurts either way. He might be still keeping you around despite the fact that he doesn’t want you which adds up even more to the mess. It makes it very confusing. And at some point “What the hell do you want from me, sir?!” Well, I’ll be breaking down the why, the signs he shows when he doesn’t want you, and what is it that you can do about this situation! Seatbelt on, please.
Why doesn’t he want me? 10 reasons why
When a man doesn’t want you, there is a multitude of underlying reasons behind it. It doesn’t have to do with you specifically, that’s worth mentioning. Let’s get this straight: If he doesn’t like you, or the time he spends with you it’s because your personalities don’t match, not because you’re not worthy of his time. 10 Possible reasons why he doesn’t want you:
- Your personalities don’t match. When your personalities don’t match and when you can’t find a common ground one (or both) of you tends to not want the other. In this case, if your personalities don’t match, he could be the one to not want you. He could just be failing to see you as a future/present partner because of the differences in your personalities. It could be chemistry, preferences, ideas, practices, beliefs, or other things that determine whether you’d match as a couple or not.
- He lacks confidence. A lot of men tend to not want particular women due to their lack of confidence. A trait of your personality could be triggering something within him making him feel insecure. Or he’s just generally insecure and feels easily intimidated by women or people in general. When he lacks confidence it’s difficult for him to see beyond and past his insecurities. He’s more likely to project his insecurities on you when he lacks confidence, and he simply fails to see beauty in you or anyone else, to be fair. When he fails to see beauty and value within himself he also fails to see beauty and value within other people.
- He’s scared of commitment. This is fairly common in the dating and relationships realm. When he fears commitment he, in a way, fears a presented opportunity that could possibly offer him commitment. That leads him to not want the commitment itself, nor the presented opportunity of commitment, in this case: you. Due to that fear, which in some cases is strongly distinct, he ends up not wanting you, or any connection that could lead to commitment. On the other hand, he could be wanting you, be scared of commitment, and act in a way that makes you think he doesn’t want you. Either way, fear of commitment plays its role and in a lot of cases leads to confusion and misunderstandings – especially if not communicated.
- He doesn’t see you as someone who he could be with. He doesn’t see you as the one that’s why he doesn’t want you. It’s a matter of preferences, so this doesn’t mean he doesn’t see you as worthy of him. It’s also one of the reasons he might not want you sexually anymore. Preferences change throughout time. He simply doesn’t see you and him being suitable for each other. He either told you this directly or indirectly through passive signals. That’s why you’re more likely to perceive it as he doesn’t want you and take it too personally. Now, of course, this is personal to some extent. However, it’s more a matter of personalities and differences in personalities, rather than a matter of the quality or value of the personalities.
- He’s not ready to start something. It could be that you let him know that you’re looking for ‘something’ in particular, and he’s not ready to start that yet. Be it a romantic long-term relationship, friends with benefits relationship, a friendship, etc. When he’s not ready to start what you’re ready for, he’s more likely to not want that thing. This, however, doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t want you, it means he’s not ready to start what you want to start with him.
- He’s not sure what it is that he wants. When he’s confused himself, he’s very likely to project that confusion into people around him. In this case, he doesn’t know what he wants. The moment an opportunity is presented to him (e.g. for a relationship) he’s driven by his confusion and makes rushed decisions. He’s not knowing what he wants, he can easily say he doesn’t want you, or anyone else for the matter. It’s something he’s not prepared nor sure of.
- He’s a player. Players tend to give you the feeling that you’re not wanted by them so that they gain power within the connection with you. It’s part of a manipulation game that they use to win you over faster. You’re likely to be feeling unwanted, unworthy, weak, and/or insecure. Players do this, especially with women they see the power in and feel intimidated by. This way he gains power by making you see him as superior, because “he doesn’t want you” and you’re not feeling inferior to his presence. It’s manipulation, and it’s extremely toxic. Keep in mind, that this is only a possibility, not an absolute truth to your situation.
- He’s troubled within. When he’s dealing with inner issues and inner troubles he might not be in the right place to want a person. The troubles within him could be loud and noisy and in need of solving. A person in that state is likely to not want another person. In this case, he doesn’t want you. Depending on what he’s dealing with, he could be upfront about it, or just choose indirect ways to let you know he doesn’t want a relationship with you. If he’d chosen more of a direct way to let you know about this, you wouldn’t be taking this too personally. Think about it, if you’d be dealing with big troubles that feel unsolvable, how likely would you be to want a person?
- He doesn’t see you two being compatible. He sees you and your value, he just doesn’t see you two being compatible. This is fairly normal unless he wasn’t upfront about it. It’s a matter of preferences, and in this case, you don’t fit into the idea of a compatible partner he imagines for himself.
- He’s not interested in a relationship. This is worth mentioning specifically about the relationship part. This is yet another reason a man doesn’t want a woman: she wants a relationship and he doesn’t. You’re clear about your intentions about which you should pat yourself on the back. On the other hand, he’s not interested in a relationship, or in a relationship with you specifically can be the reason he doesn’t want you. Your preferences and intentions don’t match one another which is common for one (or both of you) to not want the other person. It just happened that he doesn’t want you.
What are the signs he doesn’t want you?
Generally, there are a few signs that a man shows when he doesn’t want you. Some are direct, while some are indirect but very noticeable. So, how do you know if a man doesn’t want you? Here, 5 common signs a man shows when he doesn’t want you:
- He pushes you away. Directly or indirectly, when a man pushes you away could mean that he doesn’t want you. If you’re already in a relationship he could be emotionally, physically, or sexually distant from you. He pushes you away from himself through the distance he creates between you. He could say or do things you don’t like or he could even straight up tell you to “go away”. It’s a hard pill to swallow and it can be very damaging to your self-esteem. Though, it’s one of the common effects of a lack of desire for a partner.
- He pulls away. As mentioned above, when he doesn’t want you he tends to create a sort of distance between you two. When he pulls away from you he distances himself from you emotionally, physically, and sexually, he doesn’t contact or communicate with you. This could be noticed in the early stages of dating, or even in long-term relationships. If he doesn’t want you in the initial stages of dating, he’s likely to create barriers that are impossible to pass through; he’s also likely to not contact you, or even avoid contact with you. On the other hand, in long-term relationships, he starts shutting down when he’s around you, spending less time with you, and not expressing affection to you.
- He tells you straight up. Some men are decent enough to let a woman know that they don’t want her when they don’t feel any spark with her. As much as it is hurtful to you, it’s a lot easier to process in comparison to passive-aggressive behavior. So, if he tells you he doesn’t want you, trust his word. If he’d want you he’d never have the heart to tell you he doesn’t. Accept the truth he gave you since he voluntarily communicated it to you.
- He looks uninterested. You can sense he’s not interested in spending time with you or simply not interested in your company. He may not contact you for long periods, not spend time with you when he can, not show affection, not be supportive of you, etc. Oftentimes the lack of interest in you and your presence is a sign that he doesn’t want you.
- He’s disrespectful and distant. He might use this as a tool to push you away from himself, especially if he doesn’t have the guts to directly communicate to you that he doesn’t want you. Don’t try to change yourself for the sake of fitting into the ideals of the woman for him. He doesn’t seem to care about you, your thoughts, or your needs. His behavior towards you is disrespectful and distant. In a lot of cases, this is usually a sign that he doesn’t want you. However, there could be room for other reasoning behind it if he didn’t specifically communicate to you that he doesn’t want you.
What to do when he doesn’t want you?
You’re in this situation that knows how to take a toll on you, really. You’re overwhelmed emotionally “How could he not want me?!” It’s a pretty big shock to the ego and can mess your self-esteem up big time. However, there are 5 ways through which you can handle this situation like a champ! 5 things to do to accept he doesn’t want you:
- Let it be. A person not wanting you is not worthy of your time because he chooses to not be worthy of your time. What you gotta do is just let it be. Let it be like that. Spending energy on the thought of why he doesn’t want you, and why he isn’t seeing beauty in you is only going to mess things up rather than clean anything. Again, you have to understand that this is a matter of preferences rather than has to do with your worth and value as a person.
- Don’t go after him. Going after him is not the thing to do in this situation. If he doesn’t want you he’s the one choosing not to be in your presence. Going after him whether it is through texting, calling, or just talking while trying to convince him you’re desirable will do more damage than it can repair. Drop the attempts to impose a decision on him. Let him go.
- Place the energy into yourself: fully understand the situation. Again, this situation knows how to take a toll on you and your self-esteem. Instead of going after him and placing your energy onto thoughts on him, you should place your energy into yourself. Focus on quality thoughts. Understand that the thoughts of self devaluing you might be experiencing are illusions of the situation you’re in, or of the game that he’s playing. Try to not let yourself fall for those negative thoughts about yourself that might come your way. Repeat after me: Just because he doesn’t want me, it doesn’t mean I’m not desirable and lovable.
- Hang out with friends and other people you love. This will help you have a good time, get your mind off of this guy a little bit, and will remind you that you’re deserving of love and care. Spending time with friends and other people you love will be quality time for you. It’ll help you in accepting the situation and not see it as something that devalues you. It helps you understand that different people like and love different things. You’re lovable, you’re worth attention and care, he’s just not the person to give you that. You’ve got people who love and support you, who are there for you, those are the ones worth keeping around in your life, not the ones who willingly choose to walk away.
- Don’t make attempts to make him want you. The thing about this is that we all have different preferences. I’m sure you wouldn’t hop in on any potential partner that’d appear in front of your eyes, right? Why? Because you have particular preferences. Now, that doesn’t mean that person isn’t valuable or is “lame” it just means you don’t want them for you; You don’t see them as a good fit. What are the chances for that to change if the other person goes beyond their ways to impress you or make you want them? Very, very low. So, for the best of yourself, don’t make attempts to make him want you or to convince him of anything.
Acceptance: So, he doesn’t want you…
He did you a favor by letting you know he doesn’t want you. As absurd as it may sound right now, I have a point! He did you a favor because he could have wasted your time, played with your self-esteem, and even made you desperate for his attention through games and tricks he could’ve used. In this case, he’s being upfront doing you a favor, and removing himself from the picture. You’re deserving of love no matter what you did, who you are, what you look like, or what you do. Someone will look at you to see everything they wanted to see in a person. This guy, this is not the one. Love & light, Callisto
