You’re into him, he’s into you, and the next thing you know he disappears. Now, you start questioning the possibilities of what could’ve caused this situation. His disappearance came as a shock since you thought that things were going well. A lot of ‘Why-s’ and ‘What-s’ are left unanswered. And you start questioning if it had to do anything with you. Don’t fret, dear reader! Here are 16 main reasons he disappeared when he liked you:
1. He’s unsure of his feelings
Liking someone can cause a person to get a bit confused as to where they’re at. Hence he disappears. Even though he likes you, his feelings for you are not clear in his mind yet. He is trying to figure out where his stance with you is. In such cases, he might choose to disappear, to give himself space to figure out his feelings. And because he doesn’t want to shake the foundation of what you have already built, he just disappears. And this can go two ways:
- He will not contact you anymore because he figured he doesn’t like you,
- After some time, he will come back and let you know his decision. So, he will cut contact to not lead you any further without being sure of himself.
2. He might be feeling stressful
Feelings can be scary for some. Life has gotten to him. It is of no surprise to feel overwhelmed with stress in the current situation we are living in. He might be going through some personal things that are of more priority than keeping contact with you. Sometimes life happens. As a result, he might have to consciously or unconsciously cut you off. This is not necessarily a bad thing. You can try to contact him first and see if he will respond or not. Whatever his response might be, it will surely give you a small glimpse of what he is going through.
3. He might have lost interest
The initial spark might have started to dim. And he slowly started losing interest in you. He might have already given you signs that you could have overlooked. So disappearing altogether was his solution. Perhaps the excitement and the jitters he first felt are not there anymore. He might have been unsettled to tell you upfront, so he chose the easy route out and vanished. Some tip-offs that show him losing interest are:
Not being responsiveDoesn’t want to spend much time with youIs getting more closed off
4. He is afraid of commitment
The idea that he is creating a bond with you doesn’t settle well with him. He is scared to commit, and thus he chooses to disappear. These are also signs of an immature man. A man who doesn’t feel capable of handling a situation and being fair through communication. He is afraid to commit to the long term and the results of the future. With that in mind, confronting you about the reasons why he left is not an option. Because he is yet to develop the skills on how to manage himself.
5. You created the wrong impression of him
Take a look back and see if there is something that might have slipped by. Sometimes, attraction blinds people and makes them see something that is not already there. So something might have already been said or done but you just missed it. Also, if the relationship you are building doesn’t feel right, look into it. Don’t ignore signs that you are seeing with a hopeful heart. It is much better to see things as they are from the beginning and save yourself from unwanted heartbreak. Additionally, check if he fills the checkboxes of the signs that he likes you. Don’t do it with a biased opinion. Try to be as unaffected by attraction as you can.
6. He didn’t feel like he could make you happy
Maybe he felt like he wasn’t enough for you. He couldn’t give you the things that you deserve. One of the main drives of men is the ability to keep their loved ones happy. So if he felt like he couldn’t do it, disappearance seemed the better solution. However, he might have chosen this way because he was reluctant to admit it. He might be too harsh on himself to the point where the effort that he might have been putting into your relationship doesn’t feel enough to him. Since it is a biological response for men to be the provider in the relationship, he’s likely to walk away when he feels incapable of providing.
7. He is busy with other things
It is the simplest reason why one can disappear. Life gets busy and while he is trying to deal with it you might be left out in the process. If you have just started talking, you can’t expect him to leave important things undone just so that he could initiate a conversation with you. So in contrast, if you feel that the pull is mutual and he might have let you know that he is getting busy, shoot him a text and offer to take him out on a date. Quite a lot of times, it is this negligence that causes him to disappear unintentionally from your life without saying anything.
8. It’s his way of breaking up
Disappearing without a trace is called ghosting. Some see it as the easy way out of a commitment they’re not interested in. Ghosting seems to be the easier thing to do. It is a clean-cut way of not dealing with the emotional baggage that a breakup brings. Also, ghosting saves him from facing the possible fear of seeing your reaction to his “It’s not you, it’s me” speech. So by doing it, he’s hoping that you get the message that your relationship has come to an end without dealing with the emotional reactions to his decision. Disappearing seems the easier thing to do. It would be a clean breakup from his side. He won’t have to deal with the emotional spiral that follows it.
9. He thinks that you are not into him
You might not have made it clear that you like him too, and he has misread the situation. In order to not bother you, he cuts off all communication since he got the signal that you are not interested in him. So, check if something you might have said or done gave this impression to him. Things such as not initiating the contact (virtual or physical); acting distanced; not engaging in conversations; and not putting effort often give signals of disinterest in a connection. He needs a sign that you’re there, he needs you to show him you’re in this with him.
10. You might not be compatible
You started dating for a few months and he suddenly disappeared in thin air. He might still be attracted to you and feel the chemistry but you are not compatible with each other. You might be looking for something else and your goals are in the opposite direction of his. Also, your personalities might not have matched as well as you thought. There might be something else he might be interested to be compatible with. Thus, by disappearing he frees himself from the responsibility of letting you know the reasons he feels that your relationship will not work.
11. He might have discovered a red flag during the date
Not everyone shares the same ideas on the features/actions that make or break them. Thus, something that you might be so proud of might not be held on the same pedestal as him. He might have even said that he likes and is looking forward to the next date, but you did/said something that is a dealbreaker for him. You might have come too strong on the first date, and that might have freaked him out a bit. This doesn’t have to do with your values, it has to do with him, his preferences, and his association with your behavior. His associations and responses are likely to be a result of past relationships, the social environments he grew up in, and his attachment style.
12. He’s not feeling the connection
Though the initial attraction was present in the beginning, it didn’t last long. You might have not noticed it, and it’s fairly normal and common in the dating world. Your interests don’t seem to align as expected and he doesn’t want to put effort and time into something that he knows won’t happen. So, to him, ghosting you seems a much better solution and a fast way to disconnect.
13. He might have found another woman
As unfortunate as it is, this can also be a possibility. A person is capable of liking multiple people at a time. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you any longer. He might be exploring his options and found a new interest despite liking you too. The new interest that he might have developed in the new person might be taking a lot of his time since he’s getting to know her. On the other hand, he might have felt uncomfortable letting you know and chose to disappear instead of making you feel bad about it.
14. He couldn’t get what he wanted
The idea that you firmly stand your ground and are not easily persuaded shouldn’t be dismissed. There might have been something that he wanted from you and seeing that he can’t get it, gave it all up. He could have possibly tried to make you play his game, but you seemed tough to do so. As a result, instead of giving you inconsiderate reasons, he just disappeared.
15. He is a player
Despite how they’re represented, some players are capable of having feelings. When a player is self-aware, he knows how unhealthy and toxic his behavioral pattern is. Falling in love with someone, or starting to catch feelings for someone puts him in a vulnerable position. To avoid hurting you, he chooses to walk away and disappear before he causes damage. Keep in mind, this is not a glorified representation of players. He might have convinced you that he likes you and now he’s playing what he needs to play to get you to do what he wants you to do.
16. He is afraid of feeling rejected
Past relationships might have embedded the fear that he is not good enough or that rejection is what he’ll face when he attempts a relationship. So, in order to protect himself from the pain, he disappears. There is always the fear that he will get a message that you are rejecting him, and he can not deal with that. It would be too much for him. The avoidant attachment personality type is used to keep women at arm’s length as a way to protect themselves. As a result, disappearing is his coping or defense mechanism. Not giving you the power to hurt him makes him feel safer.
How do I deal with his disappearance?
Even though you might have just started to get to know each other. Leaving without a word still hurts. Not being able to get closure about the situation starts to heavily weigh you down. So instead of leaving it to live in your mind rent-free, you have to deal with it. Here’s how you deal with the fact that he disappeared:
- Accept that you are not the problem and that you don’t know what is going on in someone’s life. Don’t pin yourself as the problem when you can’t see the bigger picture. If he suddenly disappears, don’t blame yourself for it. This is more about the way that he thinks, behaves, and prefers things as an individual.
- Don’t let his disappearance make you doubtful of who you are. Avoid letting one bad experience shape the way you see dating or yourself. If he chose to disappear, it’s because of his individual preferences. He’s not entitled to make you feel insecure, no one is.
- Talk to friends/family and don’t let yourself feel consumed by sadness. They can help you keep your mind off of him and realize that everything will be okay. Friends and family are a great way of reminding yourself that you’re not alone and that you’re cared for. On the other hand, you can get other insights that could be eye-opening!
- Give it a chance: talk to him about it. If you really felt that he liked you, then give him a chance to explain. Reach out a hand to him, open a door to communication, and offer him a safe space to be vulnerable. Keep in mind that you want to give him a chance, wait for his response, then act and base a decision upon his response to your kindness.
- Start moving on if you see no future. Although waiting seems to be a better choice, you need to prioritize yourself. As much as you can be selfless, trying to be a bit selfish this time and heal. Take it as a gift of avoiding a bigger heartache down the road. Perhaps breaking things off at the beginning without you getting much invested would make it easier to go through the pain. You might have dogged a bullet and he probably just did you a favor. Do not let yourself feel discouraged and keep going. Love, Callisto
