If you turn down a guy that you have been friends with or you have known for a long time, rejection could be taken more personally. Also, his attachment style and past trauma play a big role in how he deals with being turned down. Therefore, it is important to reject him politely and be direct because you don’t want to give him false hopes and hurt him. Thus, when you’re polite and you show him your stance, you waste your or his time. However, this article will provide you with 14 ways to reject a guy politely whether you are just friends, talking, or dating briefly:
1. Turning him down when asks you out on the first date
How you turn him down when he asks you for a first date depends on how close you are to this guy. You don’t need to ace your answer. Just be open and state the reasons why you’re turning him down.
~Do not tell lies to him, even if they are white lies!
A wrong way of rejecting a guy can be by giving him false facts. Do not try to get away with it by lying to him about your relationship status. The white lies might backfire on you. Most guys take these reasons as a challenge or as a way for them to pursue you even more. If you’re not feeling it you should be straightforward with him. Here are a few examples of what you can say instead of lying to him: To a guy that you just met: “I am aware that you are interested in me but I am not interested in getting romantically involved with you. Wish you all well.” To your best friend: “I am extremely happy that you are my friend but I do not feel anything more than friendly chemistry between you and me.”
~Do not give him false hope/attention and be honest with him
If you want to make him sure that you are not interested in him then avoid doing things that will give him your attention. The things that you might or have done to give him false attention are fake smiling at his jokes, flirting with him, or even going to the movies with him. You may do it for different reasons, maybe for not wanting to hurt his feelings or hurt his feelings. But, if you go on with it for some time you will give him the wrong idea.
~ Do not offer friendship to him after he is interested in you
The worst thing that you can do to a guy that you are about to reject is to offer your friendship. Here’s an example if you want to tell him that you see him only as a friend: “Listen, I am flattered about your feelings for me, but I don’t feel the same way about you; Hope you will find someone that will be good to you.” You need to communicate clearly and choose a quiet place where you can talk calmly. Or if he asks you suddenly try to think priorly about what you want to say. Once his romantic feelings are involved, it will be quite difficult for you two to be just friends.
2. Rejecting him right after the first date
~Avoid sending mixed signals after the first date and reject him politely
If you are sure that you are not interested in him after the first date, make sure you tell him right away. If he’s interested after the first date then you should just state that you should not give random/lame excuses. Guys cannot understand it; you need to let him know directly – speak his language. For instance, he won’t get it if you tell him: “Now it is not the right moment to have a romantic relationship with me.” or “It is not you, it is me. I can’t be a perfect fit right now for you.” You’re not saying directly that you are not interested in him but you’re just beating around the bush. To be direct, you should ask him priorly to have a conversation with you. If you want to communicate your feelings then list to him the reasons that you think you’re not compatible. “Look, I really enjoyed these past dates talking to you but I think that we have different perceptions of life and love.”
~Use your text message as a way to convey your statement
If you never knew this guy and had just a simple date, you can convey what you think even via text. “I am glad I had the chance to meet you but I do not feel that type of chemistry to go on anymore. Thank you for your time. I truly appreciate it.”
3. If you are not interested in him after a few dates
~Make sure you treat him just like everyone else
If you noticed recently that you lack interest in him, just start to distance yourself. You can do it by treating him just like anyone else. You should avoid giving him special attention. This is the first step to leading him to the idea that you are not interested in him anymore. Then after a few steps, you can go on with the following tips.
~Avoid using ‘Soft Ghosting’ and be direct with him
Even after having a few dates with him, you should find the appropriate way to confess to him that you are not interested. Tell him you are not interested in him even after a few days, and avoid not responding to him or sending him a simple emoji just to make him think that you are responding coldly. You can tell a guy that you’re not interested in him by being direct and still kind at the same time. Keep the conversation short and simple. Ask him if you can call and explain everything or even meet.
~Call him and tell him face to face about your feelings and decision
If you had a few dates with him and had some type of connection but now it’s lost, it is better to face him: let him know face to face. Ask him to meet up so that you explain your feelings towards him. Remember that you should talk face to face because he invested his time in you too. Taking into consideration his feelings too shows that you’re valuing his feelings.
~Do not use ambiguous or unclear phrases to deliver your rejection
If you have to tell a boy that you’re not interested in him after a few dates then you should be precise and straightforward. Do not start the conversation with: “Right now I do not see myself involved with you romantically.” or “Maybe right now I’m not ready for a relationship.” If you use this type of explanation he would immediately think that there will be room for him in the future. If you do not feel that way, avoid using: “but” “if” “maybe” or “right now”.
~Compliment him and tell him that you’re not interested nicely
If you want to explain your lack of interest to him, do not start with sorry. An example of how you can be polite even if you don’t include sorry: “You are such a fun and cool guy to be around but to be honest I do not feel attracted to you.” You can use real compliments and let him know that you value him but are not interested in him romantically.
4. Turning him down after leading him on
The worst part of this situation is that most women aren’t even aware that they gave the guy the wrong idea. Some just go along with those feelings because they feel alone and/or bored. Hence, you should tell him that you’re not interested, and now you want to know how to tell him that you are not interested. Whether you did it purposely or not, you must tell him that now you are not interested – you owe him an explanation.
~Do not breadcrumb him any further: Explain yourself to him
Explain to him why things won’t progress or work out between you two: You owe him a conversation. Be honest, do not drag it. Tell him that it was all wrong for making him believe in your intention and feelings. An example of what not leading him on looks like: “I am sorry that I have led you on and played with your feelings. It was wrong from the start what I’ve done. I am not interested in dating you. I do not feel that type of connection. I wish you the best of luck!” He deserves to have a reason why you do not want to continue that type of relationship. If you did this to escape loneliness or wanting to make your ex jealous or even to pass the time, you owe him a sincere apology.
5. Rejecting a guy who is your friend
When your friend or best friend claims his love for you, rejecting him will be hard. Now, you are stuck between not wanting him more than a friend and being afraid of losing his friendship. It is important, to be honest, but do it step-by-step because you don’t need to hurt him or end your friendship.
~Inform him about your stance and respect his decision
First, thank him for his intentions but explain to him that your intentions towards him aren’t quite the same. As Karen B.K. Chan stated rejection it’s a hard process for the one that initiates it and for the one who is rejected. That’s why you need to balance what you’re feeling and understand what he is feeling too. You can start by saying “Look, (his name), I really appreciate your words and intention and you are amazing. But, I do not share the same feelings as you.”
~Avoid being nice and leading him on
Sometimes, you might do it unintentionally because you don’t want to lose this person. You might not be romantically interested in him but you don’t want to lose it as a good friend. Instead of playing along or avoiding this type of conversation with him, be straightforward. You can list the reasons why you appreciate him as a friend and why you aren’t romantically interested in him. “Listen, Jim, I understand you and how you feel. Hence, I appreciate you so much for your heart of gold, your intelligence, and your passion. All of these traits were the ones that I chose to be your friend. On the other hand, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have traits of someone I could not love. But, I am currently looking to improve myself more and search for what a potential partner could be for me.”
6. Rejecting a guy who you just talked to online
If he is a guy who you have been talking to online only and not met in real life, try to keep your explanations short and simple.
~Be simple, short, and precise when rejecting him.
Perhaps he texts you every day, or at least regularly, and reacts to all your stories or comments on your posts but still, you are not interested. Tell him in a short form. Do not ghost him or delete him, since he will be bugging you more if you just vanish out of nowhere. If he reacted to your story and wrote something, do not like his response or reply with just an emoji to act distant from him. This will mislead him. Just send the right message by saying that you are not interested in him as he is in you.
~You’ve been kind and nice to him all along, be nice and kind while rejecting him too
If your connection was nice, but not nice enough to move it into a date then you can text him in more simple ways without making a fuss out of it. A few examples of how that simple way of telling him would look like this: “If my short responses led you to believe something that is not I will apologize for that, it was not my intention to do that. I’m not interested in having a connection more than being friendly with you.” “I think you’re fun to talk to, but I don’t think we’re a good match. You deserve love, but unfortunately, I’m not the one that can provide that for you.” You might notice that in this text you are showing your feelings and pointing out his positive traits. All you need is to balance these two elements.
A few tips on how to reject him over text!
Telling a guy that you’re not interested in him over text is a little bit harder than doing it in person. Many things can be misunderstood and maybe you won’t send him the right message. That’s why you should know to be precise and choose the right words to express what you’re thinking and feeling. Telling him you are not interested after the first date:
“Last night was really fun, but I can’t go on any further. I just don’t feel the chemistry. Take care.”
“Look, I don’t want to waste your time. We had a great time, but I am not looking forward to a relationship.”
Telling him you are not interested after having a few dates: Him: Hey, are you busy this Saturday? We had fun these last few times. You: Hey John, thank you for your invitation and your time. I am sorry but I think that we’re completely different. It is way better to leave things here. Thank you, and good luck. When he asks you out for a date: Him: Hey, Eveleen. Would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow night? You: Thank you. But I think that we’re completely different and not compatible. Or, You seem like a cool guy. But I want to focus on myself and being in a relationship/dating wouldn’t help much with that. Thank you though! If he is just a stranger and asks you out, here are two examples you can use: “Thanks for the invitation but I’m not interested.” or, “That’s nice of you but I am not interested in dating.” When you lead him on: “Hey, Matt. Just wanted to be honest with you. I am sorry if I mixed your thoughts but I am not interested in you romantically. I’d like to explain, can I call you?” When your best friend or just a friend asks you out on a date via text: “Joe. I like and value you the most. But I get along with you better as a friend.” or, “Thank you for your words. I think there would be other lucky people to date you, but I see you only as a friend.” When you have been just texting with him for some months but haven’t met yet: “Hey, Jim. It was nice talking to you these months. But, the spark of the convo is lost and I don’t want to waste your time. Wish you the best.”
Harsh & funny texts you don’t want to send him but want to imagine you did
These could be a bit rude and harsh in the real life, but if he is sarcastic and he matches your energy, maybe you can try. Sometimes this type of dark or bitter humor might cut the tension.
You see the ring that I’m wearing, I promised myself to always be single. It would be nice to go out with you tomorrow night, but I guess my cat will die. I am so sorry, I would love to but The Rock won’t accept sharing his wife. So… Sorry, I can’t. I have to walk my unicorn. Not today John, not today! Well, it would be nice. But, my comfort zone won’t let me. Thanks for your offer. I will let my future self know by sending her an email. Sorry, but this year I might consider disappearing.
Why can’t some guys deal with being rejected and how should you react?
As mentioned earlier on, a man will react to rejection according to his attachment style, his self-esteem, and how he has dealt with abandonment earlier in his life. Here’s what you should do if you find yourself in such a position:
- Assure him that you are not interested in him and you’re not doing this to punish him or make him feel bad.
- Tell him that you’re clear on your decision. The problem is not him. The problem is that you are not interested. It is just your feelings, emotions, and thoughts that do not fit to have something more with him.
- If you can, avoid frequenting the places where you might meet him. Try to hang out with your friends more and have an entourage if you feel safer that way. Do not give him even the slightest attention.
- If he doesn’t respect your decision, then feel free to take precautions! If he keeps persisting in meeting you or calling and texting, block him or change your number. Also, if he begins to be aggressive or calls you names then you should leave it all to the law.
What is the best way to reject him without hurting his feelings?
The best way to reject a guy is, to be honest, and compassionate and not sugarcoat the way you’re feeling. Giving him the truth will help him with self-reflection, on the other hand, if you lie to him you mislead him. Be careful with your tone of voice, and keep in mind that you’re putting him in a fragile position. Most importantly, be understanding and compassionate. Don’t try to put him down because you don’t feel the same. If he is understanding then no matter how hard is to accept rejection at least he will respect your decision too. Take care, Callisto
