A man can express their feelings and emotions in different forms, but once he is really hurt by you then his behavior will change slowly. His reaction towards this situation is linked with the way you hurt him and with their attachment style. If you hurt his feelings, pride, or ego then you’ll experience different reactions from him. The most important thing is to notice the problem and outgrow your attitude towards him, try to understand him, and mend the relationship. 13 crucial signs that you really hurt him:
1. He’s silent and shuts himself down
Some men are good at expressing their feelings whereas others just choose to strain themselves and seek refuge elsewhere. Maybe he’ll not avoid you or shout at you but he will choose to just keep all his hurt and pain inside. You’ll notice that he’ll talk less and will not behave as before. His conversations will be shorter and he’ll not give many explanations about where he is going or what he’s doing.
2. He implies that he wasn’t happy in the relationship
A man who has been really hurt by you a few times then is going to point out indirectly that he wasn’t happy with the relationship. He mumbles or talks under his breath and pouts here and there. Complaining is the way that he chose to express his feelings. While complaining he can manage pride and anger at the same time.
3. He doesn’t maintain eye contact with you
If you have been living together then the situation might be a little difficult. You’ll notice that he is really hurt by you if he avoids eye contact with you and that he’s pulling away. He’ll answer your questions shortly and will have a short conversation by looking elsewhere or while doing something else. Breaking up but using the same space can be even more hurtful for him. Sometimes, a man can’t express their feelings with words, so he chooses to show pain by not looking at you at all.
4. He stops talking to you for days
Breakups are really hard especially when one of the partners has been hurt badly. If you have had a pretty close and romantic relationship but then after a fight/breakup he chooses to not talk to you, he is coping with the pain of being hurt. His way of deciding whether to continue with the relationship or end it is by being distant. If your ex has never behaved like this before, you’ll know that he is really hurt by you.
5. You’re not his priority anymore
One of the signs that a man is really hurt is when he chooses to withdraw himself from you and put himself first. He doesn’t initiate conversations anymore and doesn’t call or text you first, or even return calls/texts. He chooses to put himself first by cutting all the contact with you. He either chooses to be a part of another rebound relationship to cope with the pain or doesn’t date at all.
6. Your sex life is not the same as before
If you have been on the verge of a breakup and your sex life isn’t the same as before you’ll know that you’ve hurt him really bad. He expresses his pain, hurt, and anger towards you by making himself distant even from your intimate life. In this way, he keeps his pride by not being needy towards you and isn’t ready to be involved romantically or emotionally with you anymore.
7. He shouts and argues aggressively
Some men express their pain by shouting and arguing with you. Usually, this happens when you’re at the pre-stage of a breakup. He does this because he is not ready to face the reality and is being hurt by the fact that your love and relationship are changing. Right now your partner is experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions and that leads him to express himself that way. Since he has been bottling up his feelings for some time it is hard for him now to handle them, when they arise. Note: In this case, be cautious and know how to manage the situation. It’s pretty normal for your ex to feel that way. If the situation escalates then try to cool it down by asking for help from other people too.
8. He tries to play it cool yet picks some bad habits
After the breakup, some men choose to cope with being hurt by being silent and playing it all cool. He might not burst and shout at you or anyone else. Some men are raised with the idea that it is not okay to feel, be hurt, or even express their feelings. To silently show how much he is hurt, he chooses to drink, gamble, have multiple other relationships at the same time, not eat for days, and have other unhealthy habits.
9. He shares his sorrow with his friends
One of the fundamental signs a guy is hurt by you is when he opens up to his friends or other people. It is not a common trait among guys to have sentimental and heartfelt conversations. At the first stages of the breakup, he feels confused, in pain, desperate, and hurt. That’s why after being left with no other choice and being hurt, he chooses to have a heartfelt conversation with his friends. He is trying to find solace in other people.
10. He is not part of social media anymore
You’ll know that he is hurt by you the moment he shuts down his social media. He is hurt to the extent that he doesn’t want to be part of any mutual gatherings or see any of your posts. On the other hand, he wants to cope with the pain in privacy and doesn’t want you to know what he’s going through. He just wants to cope in silence, be nourished and doesn’t want to be a part of this relationship until he makes another decision.
11. He might play hot and cold
When an insecure man is hurt by you then he chooses to pull and push you. His behavior will make you confused too. One day he chooses to be distant with you but on the other day, he is affectionate again. This is his way of showing you that he is hurt by you but can’t make the decision to talk to or make himself distant. All of this happens because he is not ready to be dependent on himself once he faces reality.
12. He ignores you
This is the most common of signs that a guy is hurt by you. He might do it for different reasons. A guy chooses to ignore the source of pain and give himself some space to decide with logic and not make decisions based on feelings. When you love someone unconditionally and selflessly, even though you are hurt you don’t want to hurt them with your pain. That’s what a guy that loves you does. Once he is romantically involved with you it will be easier for him to clear his mind by ignoring you.
13. He focuses only on work
If he is not the overproductive type and you notice that he has been working tremendously this period then he is really hurt by you. Being overloaded with work is what keeps him occupied and not thinking about the way you hurt him. Also, if you notice him going to the gym more, traveling a lot, going out more than usual then even this change of his behavior is related to the way you hurt him. This is some type of escape from his feelings and facing reality.
I’ve really hurt him. What should I do?
The best way to fix the situation and mend your relationship is by reflecting on your mistakes. Then try to have a simple conversation, even if that helps with mending the relationship or just giving closure. Before immediately jumping to conclusions and just apologizing without meaning, here are 10 tips of what you should do:
- Try to take a grip on the issue that is harming your relationship. The most important thing of all is to notice the source that is making you hurt your boyfriend, husband, or your partner. You can do it by reflecting on your behavior towards him. Was that anything that you said, are you the controlling type, or have you been playing with his emotions unintentionally?
- Take responsibility for your actions towards him. You can show him that you’ve outgrown your mistakes just by taking actions that will make him notice that you’ve changed. Learn from your mistakes. Don’t just apologize and then go and continue with the same attitude towards him.
- Don’t justify your actions but try to let him know what went wrong If you manage to have a simple conversation with him then don’t try to justify your behavior. Let him know that you understood what you did was wrong and that you found the source that caused all this situation.
- Listen to his opinions too. It is really important to be patient and to listen to what he has to say too. Try to not disrupt his speech and show empathy about what he is saying. In this case, try to understand how he is feeling and how he might react at that moment. Try to put yourself in his shoes.
- Be open to changes. After acknowledging your mistakes you need to let him know that you are open to changes that won’t negatively impact you, him, or your relationship. Changes should be made within the limit. You should also draw your boundaries and make sure that these changes are within a normal limit.
- Acknowledge your boyfriend’s feelings too. Don’t make assumptions and prejudice the way he is feeling. The most important thing to do is try to connect emotionally with him and make him notice that you care about him and his feelings.
- Give him space to reflect on all this situation. He is already hurt by you. Don’t put pressure on him or make him understand you. Try to be gentle and have a simple conversation and then offer some space and time for him, so he can think clearly for his next moves.
- Avoid turning this dialogue into a debate. From the frustration that he might have and from the way that you’re feeling it’s normal to escalate the situation and argue. Yet, in this situation, you have to stay calm, understand him and be vulnerable to that extent that you feel. If he decides to argue and show his discontent then you should be able to remain calm, reflect on the situation, and end the conversation politely. 9. Don’t be harsh on yourself or him. Take your time. After apologizing don’t put pressure on you or him to try and rush things.
- Ask for help. You might try to do it all on your own but relationships are much more complicated than that. Take any couples therapy or talk to a relationship coach’s help to make you reflect differently on this situation.
What to do if he is really hurt by you and decides to move on?
It is really hard being the person who has been negatively impacting the other partner, but hey you and I are both humans. Humans make mistakes, but the good thing about it is to learn and outgrow from those mistakes. ~ Accept reality. If the conversations, apologizing, changing, and trying to understand your partner weren’t enough to mend the relationship then you should accept that the relationship is over for now. ~ Keep working on yourself. Acknowledge your mistakes and find ways or activities that can help you change for good. ~ Don’t be clingy and respect his decision. One of the signs that he is hurt by you is keeping the distance from you and trying to move on. In this situation, you should give him time, and either way, he will reconsider his decision or will turn a new page in his life. ~ Don’t let your emotions lead you. If you let your emotions lead you then you’ll make even more mistakes while trying to mend this relationship. Instead, focus on everything else rather than this relationship or him. Focus on yourself first. ~ Mistakes happen and people change if they’re willing to. Don’t try to carry a lot of guilt and hinder the process of healing and reflecting. ~ Don’t shut yourself down and try to talk to someone. Be open and vulnerable with any of your friends, a family member, or anyone that might be able to listen to you.
- What do I do when my boyfriend is upset with me but won’t tell me and ignores me? In this situation try not to be very clingy. If your boyfriend has a problem with communication or expressing his feelings then it is better to give him some space. If you put too much pressure on him then that will come very hard on him and make him shut himself down. Try 30 days to not have any contact with him and then try to connect with him. If this doesn’t work then try to talk with any of his friends or family members and try to help him. If you don’t get any type of closure for some time then you should consider the option of moving on.
- I always seem to hurt him and he always forgives me, yet I am afraid that he’ll dump me eventually. What should I do? It is always hard to have to fight a war within yourself when you’re in a relationship. The main point is to understand what you’re doing wrong and get a grip on yourself. You should learn to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Don’t try to live in fear for your mistakes and that nobody will love you for that. Instead, focus on enhancing yourself and learn to control your thoughts and feelings before impacting negatively on your boyfriend, husband, or partner.
Final Thoughts
Loving can be the best feeling in the world but when one experiences the hurt that comes from this love then the complexity sparks right there. Mistakes, hurt, pain, are evident in any relationship but the most important part of it is recognizing the mistakes that we’re making, whether they’re intentional or not. A relationship can be reconciled only if you and your partner are willing to work things out. If you are part of a similar situation, try to learn from this relationship and avoid making the same mistakes. Best, Callisto
