You might find yourself caught up in confusion but you will try to look forward at the same time. Your ex might not constantly mention their ex or be distant but there is some type of void that makes you wonder. When you are dating on the rebound, your partner seems to progress things faster. This fast progression can make you confused. That doesn’t mean you won’t be happy to upgrade your relationship. Sometimes, these signs can be hidden because everyone deals with the breakup differently. That’s why to know exactly if you are in a rebound relationship, here are 12 signs:
1. They are not involved constantly in the relationship
This is one of the signs that will show how distracted and hurt they are from their last breakup. When your current partner didn’t go through the stages of the breakup, they will be stuck in the past. That’s why they have cold and hot behavior even though they might not do it intentionally. They are distracted and they are not involved entirely in the relationship. This means that they are not quite sure what they are feeling. Their feelings are not sorted out yet. At some point, the rebound relationship becomes equal to unrequited love.
You will feel like you are always initiating the conversations;
Your feelings might be manipulated to some extent;
They might be there and present only when they need you;
2. They didn’t go through the No Contact phase with their ex
You will know that you are in a rebound relationship when your partner chose to grieve and immediately started dating you. After the breakup, everyone needs something to get a grip on the situation and move on. ~Some choose to focus on themselves; ~Others choose bad habits to distract themselves from the pain and being hurt; ~Others, choose to date immediately even after a week just to tell that they won the breakup; All of these activities are signs of a coping mechanism. When your partner didn’t let themselves feel post-breakup loneliness, they just need something to cope. They need to fill the loneliness so they won’t feel miserable and keep thinking about their ex.
3. They don’t bother to create a bond with you
One thing that makes a relationship successful is communication and a special bond. Sharing a bond in a relationship will define the impact of your partner and the intensity of their feelings. You can tell if you are a rebound if your partner struggles to be vulnerable with you and has just ended a relationship. Keep in mind that a partner will find it difficult to be vulnerable with you in an instant. Hence, what defines the rebound relationship is that they don’t even try to form a bond. All that they care about is physical intimacy and not connecting with you emotionally. They are not so present in your life and they direct the relationship only their way. That’s when you need the help of a coach from Relationship Hero to reflect on your relationship. They will create a plan regarding your situation and give you tips regarding:
Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns;Building attraction;Dating in general;
4. They don’t enjoy the relationship as you do
A rebound guy or girl is the one that makes you feel like there is a missing puzzle piece in your relationship. There is a gap there when it doesn’t feel like you are satisfying your current partner and vice versa. No matter how much effort you put in a relationship or vice versa, something feels not right. That’s quite normal when you’re in a rebound relationship because they can’t feel something new. Not being able to heal and move on that creates a dull form of communication. For one moment, they will be polite and nice but then they don’t want to upgrade the relationship.
5. They use you to make their ex jealous
One of the ways to know that you’re a rebound is when your partner uses you to make their ex jealous. They might not admit it and will always say they are over them but still, their ex is your third wheel. In this situation, your partner might try to be careful and not be quite obvious with their aim and actions. Hence, you will find yourself in the same places encountering their ex multiple times. Additionally, they will constantly post pictures with you and add a tremendous heartfelt description. At the same time, they will still follow their ex on social media and even interact with them indirectly.
6. The relationship is progressing very fast
When someone starts to date someone exclusively, they want to get to know you with time. When you are in a rebound relationship that’s the contrary. They act immediately all lovey-dovey. Your partner doesn’t want to keep things casual and just enjoy time with you. You will feel this energy. They will want to keep things moving quite fast and sometimes it might seem weird and unnecessary. In this case, your partner is pretending to be over their ex by getting involved with you shortly. Thus, they need your presence to just manipulate their feelings. They want to tell their ex that they are just doing better without them and create scarcity.
7. They compare you to their ex
One of the signs that you are a rebound is when you experience a lot of comparison from your ex. They might do it unintentionally or intentionally but you will find yourself in a tough situation. It could be anything that reminds them of their ex that will tell them to act the same.
It could be how you do your hair.How you dress.They will impact the way you socialize with others or even with them.Also, they will interfere with your preferences. Claiming that they want to “connect” in this way with you.
All this happens because they are not over their ex yet and want you to turn into them. If they are persistent and you don’t feel like yourself anymore in this relationship then discuss this with them.
8. They are defensive when you mention their ex
Whenever you bring up their ex, they just try to act like they are distant from their topic. Instead of being open to you they just accuse you of always bringing up this topic. If you mention that they have been going back and forth with their ex, they will try to deny it. All their actions state the contrary. They keep in touch with their ex and still interact indirectly on social media. Now, they want to date you just to keep you as an option if their ex never comes back. I know that this is hard information to receive but if they still have feelings for their ex, they won’t detach. The first step of creating a new healthy relationship is to be nourished and start feeling something new. Otherwise, they will just be stuck in the past and dragging you down the rabbit hole.
9. They use the relationship as a distraction
One of the signs that a rebound relationship is failing is when your partner uses you as a distraction. You will know that you are part of a rebound at the moment when they want to quench their pain with your love. They want to get rid of their ex because they just want to move on with their life. Well, they are constantly thinking about their ex and want some type of distraction. What they need is someone to look forward to. Especially if they don’t have a place to stay or have financial issues, they will look for someone to take care of them. In this case, they will not invest too many feelings in your relationship. They will be a good companionship just to get your service.
10. You will find yourself constantly pursuing them
A good relationship is a definition of two people trying to commit in the same way. Well, this doesn’t happen when you are a part of a rebound relationship. You will see that you are the only one that will try to initiate something.
You initiate the conversations;You initiate the dates;You try to confess first and be open to them;You will try to
Most of the time, this might not seem real and you might blame yourself for judging too much. Hence, that is not the case. Remember, they will answer your requests and always participate. What I am implying is that they will never try to win your heart over as someone would do normally.
11. They are keeping their dating options open
You know that you are in a rebound relationship when your partner won’t know what they want. Their behavior is all over the place and they can’t concentrate on your relationship. They are constantly flirting with others and looking to experience something new. This is all the result of not being able to grieve and move on. They might want to indirectly make you or anyone else feel like they have felt. Especially, when they are the dumpee the pain is bigger and they just want to get rid of it. I know that this is a cruel way to deal with a breakup but sometimes it is quite present.
12. You play the role of a therapist for them
When your partner is still obsessed with their ex and can’t get out of that loop they will seek your help. Instead of being by themselves and dealing with their feelings, they will cling to you. Healing oneself is a solo activity. When you are in a rebound relationship, your partner will drag you into their black hole too. I am not saying that compassion is not necessary for the early stages of the relationship. What I mean is that they just want you to deal with their problem. Now, you are in the primary position to be hurt.
You can ask them what are they dealing with and if you can do something to help;
Hence, you should avoid dealing with your own with their problem;
What you might do, if both of you like each other, you might discuss in what stage of their life they are;
Discuss if they can work on their feelings right now or not;
Do rebound relationships work?
Rebound relationships can work and last as soon as this relationship helps your partner resolve their feelings. Many other sources might claim that rebound relationships don’t work or last. Yes, when you look at it for the first time as a concept that will be the immediate answer. Hence, studies backed up by science have claimed that rebound relationships are seen as something beneficial. They consider it as an opportunity for these rebound partners to evolve their feelings. Furthermore, a rebound relationship will last from a month up to one year. It all depends on how their feelings develop with time. If they are constantly stuck in the past and don’t develop honest feelings for you, the relationship will last shortly.
How long after a breakup is considered a rebound?
A relationship is considered a rebound as long as your partner isn’t healed and ready to start fresh. This all depends on how your partner has perceived the relationship. Adding to this also the connection that they had with one another. ~On average, at least, a person needs a month to work on themselves and go through the pain. If they were hurt or cheated that means that it will take a longer time for them to feel confident and secure again. Thus, they might jump into another relationship immediately to make themselves feel better again. ~If they broke up on good terms and the breakup was mutual then it might take less than a month. If they feel good about themselves and are ready for a new relationship then they might start dating immediately. ~If they have started losing feelings about their ex way before breaking up then they might start dating right away. When feelings are lost then it is easier to process the breakup. In this case, they will be ready to date right after getting off the relationship.
How to end a rebound relationship?
You can end a rebound relationship by prioritizing yourself, being polite, and being straightforward.
- Try to be precise, keep it short and simple. When trying to explain why you want to leave this relationship, you need to be straightforward. Otherwise, giving unnecessary information and cues will confuse them even more. That’s why you need to write down the reasons that you want to end this relationship. Check if there is a solution for them or not.
- Create boundaries and put your needs first. Creating boundaries is quite important when it comes to ending this relationship. You need to let your partner know about your needs and what’s important to you. On the other hand, they will keep building the relationship according to their terms only.
- Listen to their perspective and needs too. When trying to talk with your partner be ready to listen to them too. It might be something that you won’t like or you will disagree with but still listen to them. Then you can discuss it and show what you think about it.
- Avoid getting fooled by their false promises. Sometimes, they might promise that this will change but you might be stuck in a rebound relationship. You will be stuck and without a way out if you agree to their words and don’t see any type of action.
The end: Am I in a rebound relationship?
Being in a rebound relationship means that your ex considers you as a backup to help heal them from their breakup. Instead of grieving and going through the breakup stages, they choose to date. Constantly you will be caught up in confusion. They will give you a lot of hot and cold vibes. Even though sometimes these signs are a little bit hard to tell because they might be good at hiding them. It will look like you are experiencing unrequited love. On the other hand, if you are immediately “overloved”, you constantly have that feeling of wanting to do better. Take care, Callisto Adams
