You can’t feel like yourself around them, you think of changing them, or they want to change you, there are toxic patterns in your behaviors with one another, people around you might be concerned and tell you they don’t like the person you’re with. You could be the wrong one in the relationship, they could be the wrong one. Generally, it’s a mismatch. Everyone has the right person to date for their type. Two ‘perfect’ people could date, but if their personalities don’t match and don’t fit well with each other then they’re wrong for each other. You’ve got to weigh out the positives and the negatives of the relationship you’re in. If the scale weighs heavier on the negatives you’re dating the wrong person. Here are 11 signs you’re dating the wrong person:
1. You don’t feel accepted
It doesn’t feel right, and you feel like you need to fix a little something and change a little something every time. One of the signs you’re dating the right person is you’re not yourself, and when you are, you don’t feel accepted. They don’t seem to accept or respect your ideas, visions, and the way you present yourself. This can lead you to feel like your partner doesn’t accept you and it creates a toxic space in your mind. You might be feeling inferior to their presence, you might feel like you’re not enough, or you simply feel the pressure to change something about yourself for your partner to like you.
2. You feel like with a little adjusting and fixing and changing they’ll be fine
Yeah, no. The point of a healthy and right relationship is accepting the person as they are right now. Seeing them as they are right now, not their potential in a few years from now, and seeing them as the right fit for you is what makes them the right person. On the other hand, if you don’t see this version of who they are suitable for you, but you’re staying in hopes that they’ll eventually change. You’re dating the wrong person if who they currently are is not something you fancy. Staying in a relationship with the expectation that your partner will become someone you’ll be able to like more is often an indicator that you’re dating the wrong person.
3. There’s no understanding between both of you
When someone is not right for you, you just can’t see the core of each other; You’re not able to really ‘hear’ and see each other. Hence, there’s no understanding. When there’s no understanding there’s room for misjudgment, for unhealthy habits to take place in the relationship. One of the signs you’re not right for each other is the inability and unwillingness to listen to each other; When there’s a lack of understanding of one another’s behavior there’s also a lack of listening, a lack of connection. We all want to be understood at some level. Feeling misunderstood and unheard in a relationship can be damaging. If you’re with a person with whom you feel misunderstood and unheard, then you’re with the wrong person.
4. The relationship is toxic
It’s harming, it’s emotionally draining, and it is far from happy and joyful. You’re not with the right person. A toxic partner or a toxic relationship is not the right person nor it is the right relationship. Especially if you tried healthy ways of solving the toxicity issue. You’re dating the wrong person if the relationship with them feels wrong, downgrading, and confusing. Relationships are about connection, partnership, and support. It’s two (or more) people connecting to get the best out of each other. A toxic person needs to deal with their issues before jumping into a relationship and projecting those issues onto the other person. If it’s stressing you out, it’s not the right one.
5. Your closest friends and family are concerned for you and your relationship
When you’re in love/infatuated you can’t really make a clear judgment nor clearly analyze the situation logically; A few other points of view of the person and the situation will help you have a better understanding. When your closest people show concern, then it’s a sign you need to pay attention and analyze a little. You’re driven by emotions and feeling at the moment, the logic is kind of taking a rest. It means you’re not exactly noticing the red flags or the pink ones. When your friends and family make valid points on why that person is wrong for you, they’re likely to be right. It’s one of the signs that the person is, indeed, wrong for you.
6. You find them annoying
After a while in dating, or in a relationship things start to calm down a little as you start knowing more about the person. It’s normal for the passion to cool down. However, it’s not normal for the passion to die out. It’s not especially normal if you start finding your partner annoying, not with the right person. When they start feeling more like an annoying company that you can’t avoid than a company you’d love to be in, it’s when you need to consider the ‘rightness’ of this person for you. You’re dating the wrong one if their quirks bother you to the point where you’re annoyed and feel like you can’t stand it. In other words, you’re tolerating their presence instead of enjoying it.
7. Your expectations on the connection don’t match
If you don’t have similar expectations from this connection then you’re dating the wrong person. If one of you wants a long-term relationship while the other wants a friend with benefits connection, then your expectations and goals from the connection aren’t aligned. This is one of those fundamental signs that you’re settling for the wrong person. You’re looking for different things from the same connection. It complicates things and it makes both of you more prone to heartbreak once you realize you’re not capable of meeting the expectations of one another.
8. You’re not happy with them
If this person represents a place of stress, confusion, and sadness for you then they’re the wrong person. It doesn’t mean that this is the person who’s absolutely wrong. It’s just you don’t fit with each other, this person is not right for you. When you’re not happy with the person you’re dating, then you’re not with the right person for you. Dating with the right person is easy, it’s joyful, and it flows without the need to force anything into the process. When you’re not happy with them, and they’re a source of stress instead of happiness, you’re with the wrong one.
9. There’s a power imbalance in the relationship
When one of the partners grabs hold of the power within the relationship it tends to create space for toxicity and unease within the connection. The right relationship with the right person is about ease, joy, support, healthy communication, and understanding. It’s unrealistic to expect a relationship to be perfect and flowery all the time, however, there’s room for concern when there’s a power imbalance. No matter who holds the power within the relationship, that’s not the way to do it. When you’re with the right person, things just flow with ease, instead of a chaotic passive war on who holds the power. In this case, if there’s a power imbalance within the relationship – doesn’t matter who has more power than the other – you’re with the wrong person.
10. Something constantly feels off
When you’re dating the wrong person you’re likely to get confused and doubtful about the relationship and how it’s affecting you. You can tell there’s something off about it, perhaps you even know exactly what it is, but you’re avoiding it for some reason. You’re fighting and arguing about the same things, but somehow you never manage to solve anything. Things can feel off every now and then, but it’s not normal once something is buzzing in your head all the time, not leaving you alone – because of the relationship with this person. The person you’re dating could be triggering an unhealthy behavior in you or vice versa. That’s usually one of the reasons why a lot of people dating the wrong person have a constant feeling that something’s off about the relationship. Again, it’s a constant feeling, you sense it all the time.
11. You’re burnt out from this relationship
A connection/a relationship with the wrong person is a source of stress. The stress or the worry is so constant that the more you stay in the relationship the more tired of it that you get. That is known as relationship burnout – you’re emotionally exhausted from the relationship. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of effort, and it’s difficult to deal with, in most cases. This is where the negative effects of the relationship start to weigh heavier on the scale. When the relationship with this person is tiring or vice versa to the point where you’re emotionally exhausted then you’re wrong for each other.
Why do we fall in love with the wrong person? – An explanation based on Psychology
When we fall in love we’re involved as beings in the process. This means our brain is producing certain hormones (often known as feel-good hormones) at certain levels, giving us the feeling that we’re in love. – As our brain is releasing those hormones, the sense of analyzing things logically starts to lose its full potential power. In a few words, when we fall in love we start losing a bit of the ability to analyze things clearer about the person. We become completely non-judgemental towards them, we see beyond their flaws, or even if we spot a so-called flaw, we find it admirable – acceptable to say the least. If we put all that information together, we come to the conclusion that when we fall in love with a person (be it right or wrong) we can’t seem to be capable of judging whether they’re right or wrong for us. That’s why we fall in love with the wrong person, without knowing it. – On the other hand, the forbidden seems to be enticing to human nature. It represents a challenge, and humans surely love challenges. So, a ‘wrong person’ might arouse curiosity, later on, it represents a challenge to which you’re naturally drawn. You end up falling in love the more you get to know about this person who at first only represented a challenge that tickled your curiosity. By the time you’ve fallen in love, you’re completely understanding and accepting of their behavior no matter how wrong it may be. – In extreme cases (trigger warning); The wrong person is also a partner who abuses you. However, a lot of victims of abuse fall in love with the abuser due to a variety of reasons, few to mention: – Falling in love with the wrong person has more to do with the subconscious and automatic ways of the brain to do things and give/receive signals. Even though staying with that person can be a conscious choice, a lot of the reasons why you decided to stay are most probably stemming from your subconscious. You could be projecting an idea of an ideal partner on them, they could be reminding you of a caregiver, or you simply don’t judge them for what they represent and how their presence affects you.
Are you dating the wrong person?
If you don’t feel accepted, you don’t accept your partner, there’s no understanding between you two, there’s toxicity, you find each other annoying, you don’t share the same values and expectations, then you are dating the wrong person. Especially if you don’t feel happy, there’s a power imbalance, and the connection with this person is causing you to feel burnt out (emotionally). So, do yourself and them a favor, and end the relationship. Or consider therapy if you’re not ready to let go of each other. Good luck! Callisto
