At times our ideals and imagination/s get shaken and start trembling by social norms and standards that put pretty much most things into frames, especially when it comes to dating. The right person isn’t just a perfect person that has been described to us for years and years during history. They won’t magically fix our brokenness and silliness. However, we’ll know when they’re the right one, right? At least that’s what we’ve been told since a very young age. You’ll know, right? Here are 11 signs you are dating the right person:
1. It feels right
They say that when you meet the right person you just know. I agree though I’d also add: Your relationship feels right. They feel right as they are. It’s the vibe, the feelings, and the time you spend with them. You feel safe, you feel at home with them. You know that one winter, snowy, long day out, you come back home where it’s warm and nice; you grab a blanket and feel safe? When they’re the ones who feel at home where it’s warm and nice after that long winter, snowy, long day out. You’re not settling. A little compromise is required for two people to be fitting with one another… But when you’re dating the right person you don’t feel like you’re just settling because you’re lonely, or because you feel like it’s going to get better. With the right one, you’re genuinely staying and loving while doing so in the relationship with them. Chemistry is involved, sexually and emotionally. You’re compatible in the sex and emotional department. You get and feel each other sexually; you get and feel each other emotionally. That’s one of the strongest traits of a healthy relationship.
2. You’re not ‘glued’ to one another
The right-right person doesn’t demand absolute attention, touch, or time devoted to them. This means you respect time apart, you understand that you’re two separate individuals, you weren’t born as one. You don’t have to ‘glue’ into each other to become one. You have your ‘you’ times apart from each other. You have respect for each other’s ‘me time’ without misunderstanding that for ‘another person’ time, or ‘cheating’ time. Now, of course, there are doubts and there are insecurities we’re far from superhumans. You’re dating the right person when those doubts and insecurities don’t last very long, as there are confirmed affection from your partner to help you get rid of those. You don’t owe each other all your time, you’ve got separate lives, unglued. You do activities other than devoting all your time to each other. You have other things to do besides laying on the couch cuddling all day – though that’d be quite therapeutic, with chances of getting chaotic. You have other things to do besides texting or talking on the phone non-stop because you’re two separate individuals. You don’t depend on one another. Relying, and depending on one another are two different things. You can rely on your partner for certain things, you trust them, and it’s all good.However, when you depend on your partner, your joy, your day, your week depends on that one particular person, with that particular behavior and communication then it’s quite unhealthy.
3. You’re sharing the same values & expectations from the relationship
You have similar opinions, expectations, and values. This is one of the signs that it is the right person for you. This is one of the important signs you’re with the right person. You’re looking for the same thing: marriage/no marriage; kids/no kids; long-term/short-term, etc. You’re not looking for different ‘core’ things that are very important to you. If you’d want a long-lasting relationship, and your partner is just something ‘casual’ but ‘mind-blowing’, then there’d be a little problem. In that case, you wouldn’t say this is quite right. Since a relationship isn’t right if you’re trying to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ the person’s values for them to fit with you. You don’t have to necessarily have every single thing in common. The point is to share the same expectations from a relationship. Whether you want a relationship to be long-term, end in marriage, or just be dating for a long time, or marriage and kids, these are common with the right person. You share the same sense of humor, or at least you understand and laugh at the same things. Not having the same sense of humor might not be exactly a deal-breaker but it might cause a little oddness in the relationship. If you don’t share the same sense of humor, you at least have to understand, and not be judgemental towards your partner’s sense of humor.
4. You’re freely being yourself without fear of being judged
You always can have that freedom around anyone if you allow yourself to, however, if you’re dating the right person you don’t even have to think much about it. You just are free to be you, without doubting their opinion of you. You feel oddly free, not that your freedom depends on them, it’s just freedom to be you around them. They’re sure and secure in themselves too, they give you that space to be you too, to be secure, to be sure of what and who you are. You don’t feel like ‘fixing’ them and vice versa. It’s a sign you’re content with yourself, and you realize and understand that ‘fixing’ is not needed. You know exactly what you’re looking for, you know exactly what you’re looking at, and you’re perfectly fine with it. You’re perfectly happy with it. With the right person, you’re not in the relationship with the hope that they’ll change someday. You don’t feel pressured to change either. This is also important. They see you too, they know what they want, they know what they see, and they’re perfectly fine with it. They’re perfectly happy with it.
5. You meet each other’s needs
We’re all needy if we put it that way. We need things, we need very particular needs. If you communicate those to one another, and you’re willing to meet those exact needs for one another, then it’s pretty ‘right’. Both of you listen to understand. You listen to understand what the other is saying, especially when it comes to communicating needs, wants, desires, or kinks even. You feel confident around each other. You have that freedom to talk, do, feel, and be whatever you are. You’re confident about it. It’s what everyone needs to be. You’re that when around them. You’re comforting one another. You’re there for each other. Comforting, with arms wide open waiting for one another. It’s pretty.
6. You love spending time with each other
You know you’re dating the right person when spending time with them it’s not something you ‘have’ to do, it’s rather something you cannot wait to do. Time and conversations flow with ease. You don’t feel obligated to spend time with them because they’re your partner/potential partner. Instead, you feel lucky and happy to be spending time with them, having those conversations, not feeling the pressure to continue the conversation. It’s exciting and pretty. If you’re with the right one, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Of course, it has those little ‘unpleasant’ moments, a friendly reminder that we’re humans dealing with humans. But when you think about it, the relationship is exciting and pretty. You still get butterflies when you’re about to see them. Even though it’s been a while since you’re in a relationship together, you still get those butterflies. For example, it’s been a while since you last saw them, and now you just cannot wait to see them, so much that you get butterflies.
7. Not fights exactly, they’re more like disagreements
It’s not all flower petals floating around. That’d be very unrealistic. But whenever you disagree on something, the ‘fights’ are not you two seeing each other as monsters, attacking each other badly, or having intentions to hurt one another with words. Instead, the ‘fights’ are more like disagreements in which you both see each other’s perspective on it, and you meet somewhere in the middle. You don’t focus on just winning the argument. You’re not stressed or anxious when you think about the relationship. You’re not second-guessing your partner, you’re not stressed or anxious. You don’t have unsolvable fights that have the potential to linger on your mind and not let you sleep at night. It flows, it’s easy, it’s peaceful. You’re willing to handle their ‘worst’. You’ve seen their worst, right? Their ‘worst’ doesn’t hurt you, doesn’t abuse you, doesn’t harm you. You’ve seen what they struggle with, you’ve seen what they look like when upset, and you’re willing to handle that. Even if their best is THE best, and their worst is hurting, harming, abusing you, you’ve got every single right to walk away and choose to not stay at such ‘worst’. There’s no controlling behavior. Their worst behavior is not controlling you, their worst behavior is not offending you. When you’re dating the right one, none of you are seeking control over the other, you see each other with love, and care. You don’t see each other as fragile beings with the potential to be used and controlled for personal achievements. You know they are your person, more in a protective rather than possessive way.
8. Friends and family approve
When you’re in your lovey-dovey phase, your brain cannot make a very clear judgment of the person in front of you (the one you love/like so much). Hence, when there’s something wrong, or right, your loved ones are usually the first ones to point it out (since at this point you’re blind, and cannot see what’s going on, because you’re completely under the person’s spell). When you’re with the one, the closest people to you approve, they’re happy for you. They’re glad for you. Your friends and family like them and vice versa. Your friends and/or family like them, and vice versa. You feel good, you feel happy about it. When the people who want the best for you get to see the person you think it’s best for you, and they confirm your opinion, it’s quite a thing, right? Their friends and family like you and vice versa. You’ve seen what they’ve been surrounded by through the years, you like those people and those people like you. You’re not doubtful about the relationship. You’re happy about the fact that your (and your partner’s) close social environment approves of one another. You’re not doubtful, you’re happy.
9. You can trust them with your vulnerability
Having doubts it’s pretty normal, having insecurities it’s also pretty normal. The thing about dating the right person is that you’ll have a lot more moments of trust, than doubts and insecurities. You can trust them with your vulnerability, your fragility, and your faithfulness. They treat you AND others nicely. You’ll want to pay attention to this one! They treat you nicely, AND others. The behavior that they show towards others, tells a lot about them too. They’re damn ‘right’ if they treat everyone nice, including you. There are no games involved. Games are not honest, not genuine, and not open. Games don’t result in something real; In something pure and clean. It’s right when games are not being practiced. You’re not afraid. You don’t fear that they’ll betray you, you don’t fear that if they see a certain part of you they’ll walk off, you don’t fear that they hurt you. You’re in peace, you’re not afraid.
10. There is reciprocated respect
This is yet another important sign of the right person: There’s respect in your relationship. Boundaries are respected, lines are respected, and you’re both getting respect from one another. Your ‘no’ stays ‘no’ – is respected – and vice versa. You don’t push each other’s boundaries and limits just so that you can get ‘some more’ satisfaction. You care enough about one another to accept a no. There’s no rush. No rushing, no pushing, no pressuring. Again, there’s ease, there’s peace. You’re each other’s home, where it’s comforting, cozy, and lovely. You truly see and understand one another. When you truly see one another, you get to truly understand one another. That takes time, it’s understandable, but once you get to fully grasp what you’re made of, you’ll have love, respect, care, compassion, and affection for the person in front of you.
11. You’re happy
At the end of the day, you sit on the couch, or the bench in the park doesn’t matter; you’re just plainly happy with what you have with this person. There’s excitement and joy. Your relationship isn’t superficial, it’s deep, hence there’s pure excitement and joy. You’re laughing a lot when together. When you’re synced, when there’s an understanding of each other’s cores, you’ll create that bond, that connection. Then you laugh, it comes naturally, unforced, making the bond even stronger. There’s an emotional connection. It’s just so beautiful. It’s so beautiful you could cry.
How to find the right person? Tips for finding the right person
Sometimes you’ve got to give it a little push to find the right person to date. Here are some tips on how to find the right person: Don’t make this search your main priority. You’ll get caught up in finding another person, and you’ll eventually forget yourself. Pay attention, but don’t let it be the center of your universe. Reflect on yourself. See what you’ve got to work on. Try to see within you. Before you start the self-love journey, see what you can do to improve yourself, what work has to be done within, to start seeking something outside. Have self-respect, self-love, and self-acceptance. That’ll prevent you from seeking someone to complete you, or someone to ‘fix’ you, to accept you. This is something you’ve got to do for yourself and by yourself first. Otherwise, you’ll end up looking for someone outside of yourself to love, respect, and accept you. Once you do find that person, it’ll seem odd and suspicious to you, since you cannot love, respect, and accept yourself. You’ll find odd and suspicious the idea of someone else doing so. Start from home, start from within. Don’t create an imaginary person that’ll just be perfect for you. It is nice and healthy to know what you want and what you don’t want in a person. However, it’s not very healthy to think of the exact person you’ll want in your life; To imagine them in every single detail. The chances for you to find an idealized person stemming from your fantasies are low. The right one takes time, effort, and understanding. By creating an image, you’ll stop yourself from seeing the real person in front of you, which might just be better and exactly what you need at that moment. Rethink the image of the one or not the one for you. Think of what you want, need, desire, and expect out of a relationship. Is it realistic? Again, creating unrealistic expectations leads to you creating an imaginary version of the person you’re looking for. See the person as they are, see their flaws, their good, and their bad. Think it through with yourself, are you happy with what you’re seeing? Are you content? Does it feel like home?
Is there such a thing as the right person?
Reflect on yourself a little: “Am I the right person?” Before you ask yourself “Am I dating the right person?” you’ll have to first ask yourself whether you’re the right person yourself. Before we start analyzing a person on their ‘rightness’, let’s have a little moment and reflect on ourselves about this particular thing: right. Once we turn the finger and point it at ourselves, we get to see things from a slightly different perspective. It’s pretty easy to sit around and wait for someone to check all the ‘wishes’ on your list. If you’re aware of your ‘right’ qualities, you’re aware of what you’re able to offer to the other person, then you can look for ‘right’ qualities in the other person too. We have so many expectations, realistic AND unrealistic, they’re too many. It’s not exactly something to judge and blame ourselves for, however, under the right and wrong circumstances, we happened to create and set expectations. The rom-com movies, the books, the novels grabbed us by the balls and it’s kind of difficult to set free from those perfect images they painted for us. Think about it, we’re all seeking understanding and love, but do we ever stop and think how much of those are we giving? Your joy shouldn’t depend on another person. Not. A person cannot simply be a permanent source of joy for you. They can make your heart beat a certain way when they do something you find breathtaking, but they can’t be your source of joy. Your joy cannot depend on another person. You’re an independent person before you’re with another. You’ve got a life, you’ve got things you do, you’ve got yourself. There’s joy all around you, not just that one single person. A person cannot be your main source of self-love and confidence, you should be your main source of self-love and confidence. Things are not supposed to always be perfect. Again, flawed, made of flesh, bones, hormones, and whatnot. We’re driven a lot by the need to be loved, understood, seen, and cheered up. We all ‘slip’ sometimes from that flowery mood, and the picture gets a little scratched at times. And that’s okay. The picture isn’t always perfect, otherwise, we’d be gods and goddesses, 7 billion of them. It’d be kind of boring, eh? Time and effort can make a relationship ‘right’. Sincere, honest, and open communication regarding your needs, wants, desires, expectations on the relationship by both sides, effort, and will to work on those can make a relationship ‘right’. To do so takes time and effort. A ‘right’ person, at times, isn’t just ‘right’ out of the blue and simply made for you and you only. Sometimes it takes time for a person to be right at the right time.
- Should you date someone you’re not sure about? Feeling unsure is normal. However, if the feeling of insecurity is dominant in that relationship, if the person is making you doubt yourself too, then you shouldn’t date that person. Try to find the root of it all. Where is that insecurity coming from? Why aren’t you sure about the person? Try to find if there’s something internal reflecting on yourself, or is an actual behavior of the person that’s triggering this insecurity about them in you.
- Dating the right person at the wrong time, what does that look like? It looks complicated. Some believe that the right person will feel right no matter what, some don’t even believe in the idea of the right person. Let’s tackle that together! Someone can feel right to you, but the external circumstances you’re in might not be allowing you to have a relationship together. That could be called a somewhat wrong timing. The wrong time could be a part of your life in which:
You’re intensely dealing with trauma.
One of you, or both, are already in a monogamous relationship (not with each other, obviously).
You’re going through a tough phase in your life in which you’re experiencing drastic changes in personality, behavior, etc. I.e. you’re not stable.
A lot of things in your life feel chaotic, and you need time to fix that before you feel good and relaxed to not project your problems onto someone else.
Again, it depends on your idea of the ‘right one’, and your perception of ‘wrong timing’. At the wrong timing, you’re more prone to ‘activating’ defense mechanisms, which may cause trouble or hurt to others around you. Callisto
