And yes, despite how the fact that he pulled away has made you feel, you can and you are of high value when he pulls away! He’s slowly fading away from your life, and it’s messing up with your head. He seems unsure of your connection. He might be pulling away, but still contacting you. Could it be that he’s immature, hell, even insecure? You could be feeling confused, insecure, sad, and out of order. Though, there’s another question bugging us! What would a high-value woman do in this situation? What even is a high-value woman? Well, when he pulls away it can make you feel like you’re less than high value, but that’s just the illusion the situation creates. Let’s turn the tables around, shall we?!
What’s a high-value woman? How does she handle the situation when he pulls away?
A high-value woman is a woman who plays no games, is aware of her values, and she knows how she wants to be treated. She’s not a goddess though, she’s very human. She hurts, she cries too, and she might question herself from time to time as well. But she fundamentally knows how she wants to be treated. She knows he has his reasons for pulling away and she’s not going to simply make assumptions about it, she knows she deserves an answer! Now, when he pulls away, she handles the situation graciously:
She gets sad, perhaps she cries about it.She takes her time to process what’s going on.She talks to him because she doesn’t just make assumptions and let them guide her actions without any proof.She chooses the healthy way around it.And she makes a decision that’s best for her!
More specifically, she does 10 things. Here’s how you can be high value when he pulls away:
1. Take your time to accept what’s going on
You need time to go through the situation and process it entirely for you to reach a calm and peaceful state of mind. If you’re not calm within, and if your thoughts are troubling you’re more likely to portray the wrong message to him. That’s because while you’re processing what’s going on, and you’re unclear about it you’re more prone to misunderstand or even be misunderstood. Take the time you need to accept what’s going on, and reflect on your behavior, his behavior. Take mental notes of what gave you the clues that he’s pulling away. Sit with yourself and try to have a deep understanding of why and how his behavior is making you feel. Most importantly, take the time you need to feel calm and at ease. It’s normal to be highly affected by this situation, however, you can overcome it. Take your time to calm yourself down.
2. Make your stance: Talk about it
Not talking about what’s bothering you, and simply giving him silent treatment is far from being a high-value woman. Addressing the issue while making your stance clear is one of the profound ways to be and stay of high value when he pulls away. It’s also very important to have a clear and calm approach to the conversation. Depending on the situation you’re in, the relationship, and his way of pulling away, you can:
Send him a direct and honest text when he pulls away, or
talk to him in person
Either way, you must be direct, not desperate about it, and calm. You don’t want him to feel the need to defend himself. You want to let him know that you’re open to hearing what he has to say without judgment. The moment he feels threatened or accused can be the moment he chooses to be discreet about his reasons, and the moment he starts defending himself through dishonest communication.
3. Don’t insist, beg, or plead
The reason you talk to him is to get clarification, to get communication started to avoid misunderstandings. Now, as a high-value woman, you won’t be insisting or using tricks into imposing a particular decision on him. This means if he pulls away for good, if he doesn’t text you back, or if he communicates to you the exact reasons, you won’t be insisting on anything. Considering that the reasons why he pulls away are different in each situation, you want to listen to him and what he has to say.
If he offers a solution to this issue, then you can consider it, or even let him know if you need some time to think about it.
If his response indicates his choice for leaving, need for space (e.g. a break), or no response at all, then you respect exactly that.
All this while staying strong by your stance, self-respect, and self-valuing instead of insisting, begging, or pleading. Avoid using tricks to make him come back! If he’s really into this connection, he’ll come back when it’s time.
4. Let him know you won’t be there anytime he wants you to be
If you’re not willing to wait for his return it’s only fair that you let him know about it. Plus, as paradoxical as it may sound, this tends to be the reason why he comes back after pulling away. This usually presents your capability to own the situation he created by pulling away.
“I do respect your decision, and I’m willing to give you space. However, I think it’s fair to tell you that it’s uncertain whether we will get back together after we both took our time to reconsider things. Until then, I wish you the best!”
You can put it together in your original way. You’ll be fine as long as you’re direct, honest, and respectful with the way you portray your message to him. He might not know what he wants out of this, but you do. You know your value, you know how you deserve to be treated. You’re not gonna be there any time he pleases you to be for him.
5. Don’t reach out to him after he’s made it clear
Another trait of a high-value woman is her common sense and clear understanding. This might be relatively difficult to do since you’ve got used to his presence, and now you’re no longer ‘exposed’ to it and the feelings it brought you. However, reaching out to him after he’s made his thoughts clear to you will only drive him away further. This will not only give him the wrong idea, but it’ll also interfere with your journey of healing.
Don’t let it play with your head. If he made it clear that he’s wanting space, then you’re strong enough to respect that decision by respecting yourself as well: giving him space.
By giving him space, you’re going to do yourself a favor as well.
The urge to reach out to him just once more can be unbearable, but resisting that urge is for your best. It’s very important to respect his decision, but also to be respectful to yourself as well. You don’t want to text or call someone who told you not to.
6. Avoid posting on social media about this
Posting on social media about the relationship as an indirect way of sending him a particular message will give him the wrong clues. This is not what a high-value woman does. However, if you’ve done it before, it’s understandable. You can use it as an experience from which you can learn.
Using your social media as a way to passively communicate with him can tickle his thoughts or mind, but not in a positive sense!
He chose to be gone from the frame (even if it’s just for a little while), now it’s up to you how you paint the rest of the void he left in the picture.
He’s the one pulling away, the one who gave you an honest answer about it or not. Now it’s up to you to lead what’s left of this relationship in which you are with yourself. Respect yourself and him. Let both your journeys stay clear of drama and passive messages.
7. Give him space
Pulling away already indicates a need for space itself. However, once you’ve talked to him about this, he’d be able to let you know about the intentions and reasoning behind his behavior. He could be asking for space by:
Directly letting you know he needs space.
No response to your concern at all.
Now, this might benefit him by giving him the space needs, however, that’s not the point. The point is that you benefit from this as well. By giving him space, you also give space to yourself to move on and thrive in other aspects of life. You allow yourself to have a nice and deep breath, you allow yourself to relax after such an overwhelming period you went through. It’s a way to gain a new perspective on the situation, but also a way to use this time for reflection. By giving him space and respecting his decision, you give yourself space by not allowing him to interfere in your journey of healing. As strange as it may sound, giving him space often tends to be the drive to make him want you. However, you want to keep in mind, that’s not your goal. We’re focusing on ourselves this time!
8. Move on with your life: focus on yourself
Moving with your life is one of the best things you could do for yourself as a high-value woman. We don’t want unrealistic thoughts to intrude on our minds. Let’s keep it real, it’s normal to feel sad, lonely, and broken. The point is to not dwell on those feelings for too long. Pick yourself up, and focus on what you can do for your joy.
Moving on with your life means not stagnating your life just because he pulled away and he’s not ready to be in it.
This is about you now, he’s out of the picture.
Don’t sit around and wait for him to get back and have the place he once fit into your life. Do activities you love, hang out with people you love and that love you back. Move on with your life. Shift the focus on yourself, instead of getting him back.
9. Don’t sit around waiting for him
Being high value has to do with knowing your value, appreciating yourself, and making the improvements needed without judgment towards yourself. In this case, the improvement needed would be moving on instead of waiting around for his return.
It’s understandable if it has been a long-term relationship, but if you’ve made your stances clear then there’s no point in waiting for him.
If you agreed on only self-reflection for a certain period to then get back together, then it’d be reasonable to expect each other’s return.
On the other hand, if you didn’t agree on getting back together, waiting for him is not going to be worth it. A high-value woman knows this. She’s going to be respectful to herself and her needs because she understands her value and the weight of this situation.
10. Don’t give him passive signals
Passive signals include posting pictures or any post that resonates with the situation you’re both in, for the sole purpose of giving him a particular signal. That signal could be your way of saying “look what you lost”, “I miss you”, or even “I’m going to places we used to go together.” This is a bit of an immature way of ‘communication’, solving, or even achieving something even if that’s just self-satisfaction.
The highest value of a thing you could do in this case is not deal with him at all.
Post or comment because you feel like it, not because you’re sure he’ll see it and get a particular message from your actions on social media.
The urge to show him how well you’re doing is undeniable, it’s understandable too. However, you don’t want to give in to that urge. The moment you catch yourself posting something just because he’ll see it is the moment you should stop and reconsider that post.
Conclusion: Being a high-value woman when he pulls away
You know the definition of a high-value woman. You probably are the definition of her. You know she doesn’t make assumptions, instead, she’s direct. She doesn’t play games and tricks to get him back because she knows those aren’t genuine. She gets sad and lonely, but she’s willing to accept the situation as it is, knowing she’ll eventually be ok. She doesn’t feel any less because he pulled away, no! She knows she doesn’t need him in her life to feel complete. She’s willing to let him go and respect herself by respecting his choice. I know you’re here. I know I’m describing you. Love & hugs, Callisto
